afraid
to be
to speak
Me.
default
to please
all
to swallow
poisons
to smile
though the Heart
aches.
where Love
for Self
has not yet
matured
lack of
enoughness
takes root
bringing
constant recrimination
guilt
angst
such heaviness.
in this vast wilderness
Hope
a tiny Voice
a faint Light
stirrings
of an innate
Self-Regard 🙏
i dreamed
of a beach
last night.
crowded
frenetic
expansive
beach.
i felt
overwhelmed
afraid
anxious
alone
apart
exposed –
could not see
The Horizon.
reel in
my feelings?
no!
been there,
done that.
lost a seminal piece
of my femininity.
then, a new body.
we do not return
as we came.
bits of us fall away
over time.
we give them away
unconsciously
desperate
to simply
hold
on.
stay with us
here
please
fully incarnate
not easy
for you
we know
the air
often heavy
here
very dense
so much sadness
pain
disappointment
a seeming lack of
basic kindness
disproportionate
to the joy
The Light
and tenderness
still
we ask
be
here
now
stay
your Presence
is requested
know that
you were carefully crafted
for such moments
as these
that you are
a vital piece
of this Universal Puzzle
a pivotal role
you play
in this Grand Comedy
without you
a different story
an alternate trajectory
one affects all
all affects one
no separation
hold on
stay
you are not
alone
never were
never will be.
.
🙏
.
called to take a trip,
looked without
was immediately redirected
to within –
some barriers –
long ignored –
now ready to be
explored,
softened,
and then
fully integrated.
no meaningful present
nor move forward
without looking
back
through different lenses.
.
🙏
.
you kept me afloat
when every fiber
within
ached to dissolve
into The Abyss.
.
you soften me
when numbness
threatened
a corporal takeover.
.
you gently calmed
when agitation
penetrated
deep
into my bones
and invaded my Soul.
.
with each taste of you,
the nervous system
settled,
the breath eased,
the heart, slowed down.
.
your cold
warmed me.
your rich, velvety texture
tethered.
.
often my only source of joy,
you were a faint glow in a long tunnel.
.
no you,
no me
here
now.
.
🙏
dreamed last night
of a school bus 🚌
containing fifty-five passengers –
all Me.
different stages, faces, phases.
students – curious 🤔 and studious;
sensitive and pensive.
on a trip one bright day,
another school bus comes along.
suddenly, out of sight – bam!
“bodies every where!” some one screams.
on my school bus 🚌
frozen, in shock 😲
“why them, not us?”
always so activating,
the summer months,
for me:
so much skin exposed,
flesh seemingly everywhere-
breasts
legs
midriffs
butt checks-
all as overwhelming
and stifling
as the humidity
and the heat
and that inner voice
incessant speak:
“cover up and hide,
yours is not a body
for display to the outside.”
The Mother gave birth
To three daughters
None of whom
Would ever bore another.
Two of the daughters –
The eldest and the youngest
No longer carry their uterus.
Two surgeries-
The one, reluctant to wake from Anesthesia’s deep slumber.
The other, she almost did not recover.
The only daughter with all organs intact,
Chose to walk a childless path.
The Mother
is sad
heartbroken
grief-ridden.
Blaming herself
for the end of the family line.
No legacy, only perceived decline.
“Why”” she asks, wailing at her Fate.
“Did I
in Life
make a horrendous mistake?”
i am tired, Lord.
hold on.
hold on for what?
for Me.
i don’t know that i can…
you can; you have.
i am tired, Lord.
I know; hold on.
burgeoninc 