sadness

genius

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Genius

seems to come

at a very steep price.

Typically,

heavy drugs

for a gifted musician

or

egregious infidelity

for a talented athlete.

Why?

The weight of The Pedestal,

the unrealistic expectations,

the Godlike projections?

Or dizzying fame

borne too quick & too young,

allowing no adequate time

for a stronger foundation?

Always a similar story,

a shared humanity,

the need to escape the anxiety,

that knawing

lethal

relentless

core belief

of innate

unworthiness.

Alas, nowhere to run,

the angst always comes back.

Some heal, eventually learn.

Others, they cannot return.

dress rehearsal

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six years ago,

a dress rehearsal.

Fierce Grace,

it was,

though we did not believe so.

asked to slow down,

to be Still,

to go in,

we choose

to move fast,

to look out,

to go back

no matter the costs.

when will we learn?

what will it take

to grow up,

to repent,

to repair

all that has been lost?

a clock ticks,

a cliff awaits,

Earth, regenerates.

where there is fear

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where there is fear,

there can be no Love.

where there is fear,

there can be no joy.

where there is fear,

there can be no Altruism.

where there is fear,

there can be no

accountability.

where there is fear,

there is no reason –

only vast illusion.

where there is fear,

there is no freedom,

only manipulation.

where there is fear,

there is no authority –

one’s agency rendered

a mere commodity.

where there is fear,

there is no clear vision –

that we are One –

interconnected –

can be preached

but not seen or embodied.

where there is fear,

there lives hate –

disdain of “the other”

and, therefore, the self.

where there is fear,

there can be no satisfaction,

only constriction

no sense of self-actualization –

“life” becomes about survival

at any cost, collaboration

rarely genuinely sought.

where there is fear,

there is Wall,

a massive edifice,

around mind, body, and

Soul –

voluntary imprisonment

in the name of security,

nationalism,

and tribe preservation.

where there is fear,

subjugation and humiliation

do not hide

and distorted masculinity

thrives.

where there is fear,

there is also opportunity

to perceive differently,

to soften,

to widen,

to cultivate a faith

that surpasses

human understanding.

The Heart ❤️ once wildly lost

can again be found 🙏

sweetness

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not enough

then

suddenly

too much!

something missing

what?

a yearning 

for sweetness,

release

from discipline,

a tipping point

of sorts,

can no longer run

or hide

sadness

disappointment

fear?

of what?

barely space

between internal stimulus

and its well-trodden response.

a mere taste

then

suddenly

the deluuge,

surrendering to the waterfall.

a deep

familiar

insatiable

hunger

for sweetness

presence

purpose

excitement

reasons

any

to be

here

now.

chilling

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could not get warm,

could not sleep.

body stiff,

clinging to itself.

mind, racing;

heart, broken. 💔

parricide –

in what state of mind

is such a thing possible?

over and over and over

to rip into the flesh

that bore you,

to hear their cries,

screams,

pleas,

to feel their warm blood,

to witness

Life

leave the forms

from which you came.

chilling.

what we are capable of,

we, humans,

chilling.

the fragility of our psyche,

stunning.

we all walk on delicate ice

internally.

what is considered reality

can –

does –

suddenly

crack!

we fall in

deep,

become frozen.

and there

commit acts

so devastating

they ripple

far and wide. 😢

out of Sight, out of Heart

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I forgot about you,

kidnapped

“living” underground

for years

amid  “strangers”  –

fellow humans

traumatized

traumatizing

using you

as mere means to a bitter end

playing a destructive game

of cat & mouse

in an endless cycle of

tit for tat.

I forgot about you

focused on the thousands

above ground

having their ground

children

lives

shattered to pieces

relentlessly

by the traumatized

traumatizing.

I could see them.

I couldn’t see you.

Out of sight,

Out of Heart,

I learned

about self –

humbled,

horrified,

human.

True Peace

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can there be

True Peace

where there is

no re-pair

after harms

and ruptures,

no amends made,

no truths expressed

nor apologies extended

for sustained reconciliation?

this feels like

seeds being sowed

that may

ultimately reap

more violence

more trauma

more broken 💔 ness

more hatred and

sense-less destruction.

can there ever be

True Peace

where The Feminine voice

is left out,

where Love has been

forgotten

and diplomacy severely

abandoned,

where toxic masculinity

reigns

and unbridled arrogance

pats itself on the back?

how to cultivate

True Peace

in the midst of blatant

inequality,

where tenderness

and care

are nowhere

and domination

is centered?

do we even know what

True Peace

is

any longer?

have we ever?

sacred work

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what is the Sacred Work

I am to do

being

fully

here

now –

tired

grief-strickened

stunned

a tad numbed?

what can I offer

from “my” heArt

to “yours”?

the breath?

mere air?

yes, deep breathing

inhaling,

smelling

like the way of a baby,

taking It all

in and down

to the belly

to the Fire 🔥

hold It there

gently witness

trans-formation.

At the appointed time,

exhale

re-lease

birth

slowly

intentionally

Freshness

something new

something

needed

urgently

now!

This is what

I am

to do.

self-inflicted

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it did not have to be this way

a mass exodus of talent

years of institutional knowledge

drip by drip

drainage of vibrant energy

and future generations

all for what?

an obsession

single mindedness

without inspiration or

proper guidance

no true Leader

on this precarious ship

sailing blind

heading where?

how many more

go overboard

before the wake-up call?

Beauty in The Bleakness

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marveling at the resplendent Peacock 🦚

its extra-ordinary ability to in-gest

poison

and trans-form it into breathtaking, awe-inspiring Beauty.

reminds me of the Lotus 🪷

thriving in bleak

muddy waters 💧

ah, the lessons nature teaches

when we choose to slow down

listen intently,

look up & down & all around carefully,

really lean into

the Totality of Life,

this Moment,

each other.

opportunities abound everywhere

to trans-form the perceived mess and chaos

into gentle medicine for all;

into something vastly different than we’ve ever experienced –

more relevant, courageous, mature, and equitable.

there is unimaginable Beauty in this bleakness.

can you feel it?