life

chilling

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could not get warm,

could not sleep.

body stiff,

clinging to itself.

mind, racing;

heart, broken. 💔

parricide –

in what state of mind

is such a thing possible?

over and over and over

to rip into the flesh

that bore you,

to hear their cries,

screams,

pleas,

to feel their warm blood,

to witness

Life

leave the forms

from which you came.

chilling.

what we are capable of,

we, humans,

chilling.

the fragility of our psyche,

stunning.

we all walk on delicate ice

internally.

what is considered reality

can –

does –

suddenly

crack!

we fall in

deep,

become frozen.

and there

commit acts

so devastating

they ripple

far and wide. 😢

A Year-End Stream of Consciousness

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Lack of attunement is what I am feeling acutely … a familiar feeling … is this the “norm” for a Life of The Unexpected? If it is, how do I navigate? With patience, with altruism, with totality, with anticipation, with simplicity, with authority, with humanity, with freshness, creativity, and the allowance for emergence, with integrity, with diplomacy – with all your innate gifts. In this Moment of agitation, unease, entropy – where do I lean? When you don’t know yet what to do, do nothing, be Still – isn’t that the message this whole year especially from Goddess Sige, who appeared multiple times to and for me? Not so easy, Silence/Stillness – why I consume and seek incessantly and rarely find…What have I found this year? What have I learned? How have I changed ingesting so much beauty-full richness? What has integrated? I don’t know yet … and will wait … be patience until called back into The Eternal Void … What is the invitation here and now? What am I to learn? What are the insights? Where am I deaf and blind? How to emerge from this victim consciousness? What is another story? An epiphany? The Quintessence? What is the practice of equality that bridges weakness to Tenderness? What is the resolve needed to transform exhaustion and the deep desire to just dis-appear to truly hear and live Divine Will? I don’t know yet …Stop seeking and find what? Peace? Community? Attunement? “Right” Livelihood? Home? Meaning? Abundance? Yes, to all please … Do I believe it to be true: all that is sought resides within? What’s inside of me? Who am I? Why am I here, now? I don’t know yet … When will I know for certain? Maybe upon the last breath.

dreams

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what is

a dream

come true

for me?

what lies

over the Rainbow?

don’t know.

is that wrong?

feels so –

like some thing

missing,

a crucial piece

of a puzzle

glaring

it its absence.

hidden away,

perhaps,

some where deep

in side

waiting

patiently

for the right time.

“live the questions”

Rilke advised.

one day,

you’ll bump into

their answers.

Message Blocking is Active

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blocked 🚫

mere months

after The Transition

of he who was The Force

keeping family afloat,

tethered,

ever so delicately.

without him,

shedding,

the masks came off,

niceties abandoned.

“Love” disintegrated

to the point of blocking 🚫

take nothing personally.

still, sad,

feels abrasive,

like a middle finger 🖕

borne of deep hurt

a sense of disrespect,

expectations unmet.

The Circle 🔵 dwindling

by death

and, now, blocks 🚫

everything

so tender,

tenuous,

ephemeral.

Gamma Waves

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what will I see

flash before my eyes

as Spirit leaves this physical

encasement?

what memories are so seminal

on this Journey,

so seared in Consciousness

as to be worthy of recollection

before the last exhalation?

have I experienced

such moments

yet?

maybe the death of my father  –

that wailing scene?

or sitting with my beloved

grandmother on her last days?

or memories of bliss-full times

spent alone

in The Woods

basking in The Magnificence

and Oneness 🙏?

maybe going way back

to before

departure from the womb,

crawling up to my mother’s Heart,

to what was known, safe, soothing.

maybe there’ll be images with my first Love,

hand in hand – touching, stroking, desperately reaching?

or my first trip abroad  –

the fulfillment of my wildest dream?

no idea

what will flash

before my eyes

leaving this Realm.

doesn’t matter,

truly Grateful 🙏

for it all!

out of Sight, out of Heart

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I forgot about you,

kidnapped

“living” underground

for years

amid  “strangers”  –

fellow humans

traumatized

traumatizing

using you

as mere means to a bitter end

playing a destructive game

of cat & mouse

in an endless cycle of

tit for tat.

I forgot about you

focused on the thousands

above ground

having their ground

children

lives

shattered to pieces

relentlessly

by the traumatized

traumatizing.

I could see them.

I couldn’t see you.

Out of sight,

Out of Heart,

I learned

about self –

humbled,

horrified,

human.

sacred work

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what is the Sacred Work

I am to do

being

fully

here

now –

tired

grief-strickened

stunned

a tad numbed?

what can I offer

from “my” heArt

to “yours”?

the breath?

mere air?

yes, deep breathing

inhaling,

smelling

like the way of a baby,

taking It all

in and down

to the belly

to the Fire 🔥

hold It there

gently witness

trans-formation.

At the appointed time,

exhale

re-lease

birth

slowly

intentionally

Freshness

something new

something

needed

urgently

now!

This is what

I am

to do.

feeding the un-certainty

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where does un-certainty

reside in me?

no clarity

here

now.

what color is it,

this tension of un-certainty ?

not sure.

perhaps, butterscotch,

a merging of orange with yellow,

maybe a clue?

the Sacral, to feel,

or solar plexus’ mandate to do?

to only feel

and not to do?

surrender

submerged

feel the body

trans-form

dis-solve

flow

like the sacral waters

re-lease this Soul.

the wall of glass

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an explosion!

a dismantling of perceived power,

a dramatic testament to impending change.

life cannot be contained,

controlled,

doled out in calculated bits

to a privileged few.

all this witnessed

through the wall of glass.

time ending for those over there –

the workers –

nearer to the raging Fire 🔥

and billowing towers of toxic smoke.

the possibility of extended time

and, perhaps, lessons,

for those over here,

a bit farther away  –

the family of consumers

living in the house 🏠

with the wall of glass.

The Current

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The Current

came –

suddenly –

and took him away

from wife, young daughter,

family, aligned work,

and an adoring community.

“My apologies,” said The Current

whispering

gently

as The Soul left his body.

“You are to return Home –

now.

No tme

to say proper goodbyes,

to get affairs in perfect order,

to apologize.

This is your dharma,

your beautiful storyline

to come from water 💧

at the start of The Journey

and be taken back by water 💧

at the end.”

In memory of Malcolm-Jamal Warner 🙏💔