chilling

could not get warm,

could not sleep.

body stiff,

clinging to itself.

mind, racing;

heart, broken. 💔

parricide

in what state of mind

is such a thing possible?

over and over and over

to rip into the flesh

that bore you,

to hear their cries,

screams,

pleas,

to feel their warm blood,

to witness

Life

leave the forms

from which you came.

chilling.

what we are capable of,

we, humans,

chilling.

the fragility of our psyche,

stunning.

we all walk on delicate ice

internally.

what is considered reality

can –

does –

suddenly

crack!

we fall in

deep,

become frozen.

and there

commit acts

so devastating

they ripple

far and wide. 😢

A Year-End Stream of Consciousness

Lack of attunement is what I am feeling acutely … a familiar feeling … is this the “norm” for a Life of The Unexpected? If it is, how do I navigate? With patience, with altruism, with totality, with anticipation, with simplicity, with authority, with humanity, with freshness, creativity, and the allowance for emergence, with integrity, with diplomacy – with all your innate gifts. In this Moment of agitation, unease, entropy – where do I lean? When you don’t know yet what to do, do nothing, be Still – isn’t that the message this whole year especially from Goddess Sige, who appeared multiple times to and for me? Not so easy, Silence/Stillness – why I consume and seek incessantly and rarely find…What have I found this year? What have I learned? How have I changed ingesting so much beauty-full richness? What has integrated? I don’t know yet … and will wait … be patience until called back into The Eternal Void … What is the invitation here and now? What am I to learn? What are the insights? Where am I deaf and blind? How to emerge from this victim consciousness? What is another story? An epiphany? The Quintessence? What is the practice of equality that bridges weakness to Tenderness? What is the resolve needed to transform exhaustion and the deep desire to just dis-appear to truly hear and live Divine Will? I don’t know yet …Stop seeking and find what? Peace? Community? Attunement? “Right” Livelihood? Home? Meaning? Abundance? Yes, to all please … Do I believe it to be true: all that is sought resides within? What’s inside of me? Who am I? Why am I here, now? I don’t know yet … When will I know for certain? Maybe upon the last breath.

hunger

a constant gnawing

deep within

to be fed

and tended to

through The Mouth

that did not know

its mother’s milk

suckled instead

by the middle finger

of its right hand

The Mouth that spoke

not a word

its first few years

now relentlessly demands

food

attention

silence

rarely satiated

riddled with shame

and melancholy

a downward spiral

often begins.

here, now

this time

a long breath

slowly let out

through The Mouth

gentler with the hunger

less intolerance

more patience.

Grace

we fall down

and we get up

we fall asleep

and we wake up

back and forth

up and down

the spectrum of consciousness

we go

round and round

the cycle of unwellness

until

sometimes quite suddenly

a shift

from deep Within

Grace

a gentle beckoning

to another

completely different

way

reel in

reel in

my feelings?

no!

been there,

done that.

lost a seminal piece

of my femininity.

then, a new body.

we do not return

as we came.

bits of us fall away

over time.

we give them away

unconsciously

desperate

to simply

hold

on.

stay with us

stay with us
here
please
fully incarnate
not easy
for you
we know
the air
often heavy
here
very dense
so much sadness
pain
disappointment
a seeming lack of
basic kindness
disproportionate
to the joy
The Light
and tenderness
still
we ask
be
here
now
stay
your Presence
is requested
know that
you were carefully crafted
for such moments
as these
that you are
a vital piece
of this Universal Puzzle
a pivotal role
you play
in this Grand Comedy
without you
a different story
an alternate trajectory
one affects all
all affects one
no separation
hold on
stay
you are not
alone
never were
never will be.
.
🙏
.

off line

unplugged
out of office
off line
completely unreachable
on re-treat.
please do not disturb.
in desperate need
of moments to myself
to ground and grieve,
re-unite the pieces
let go and given away
unwittingly.
slow
down
to a
halt.
quiet
listen
look:
who is the “me”
of now?
.
🙏

take a trip

called to take a trip,
looked without
was immediately redirected
to within –
some barriers –
long ignored –
now ready to be
explored,
softened,
and then
fully integrated.
no meaningful present
nor move forward
without looking
back
through different lenses.
.
🙏
.