A Year-End Stream of Consciousness

Lack of attunement is what I am feeling acutely … a familiar feeling … is this the “norm” for a Life of The Unexpected? If it is, how do I navigate? With patience, with altruism, with totality, with anticipation, with simplicity, with authority, with humanity, with freshness, creativity, and the allowance for emergence, with integrity, with diplomacy – with all your innate gifts. In this Moment of agitation, unease, entropy – where do I lean? When you don’t know yet what to do, do nothing, be Still – isn’t that the message this whole year especially from Goddess Sige, who appeared multiple times to and for me? Not so easy, Silence/Stillness – why I consume and seek incessantly and rarely find…What have I found this year? What have I learned? How have I changed ingesting so much beauty-full richness? What has integrated? I don’t know yet … and will wait … be patience until called back into The Eternal Void … What is the invitation here and now? What am I to learn? What are the insights? Where am I deaf and blind? How to emerge from this victim consciousness? What is another story? An epiphany? The Quintessence? What is the practice of equality that bridges weakness to Tenderness? What is the resolve needed to transform exhaustion and the deep desire to just dis-appear to truly hear and live Divine Will? I don’t know yet …Stop seeking and find what? Peace? Community? Attunement? “Right” Livelihood? Home? Meaning? Abundance? Yes, to all please … Do I believe it to be true: all that is sought resides within? What’s inside of me? Who am I? Why am I here, now? I don’t know yet … When will I know for certain? Maybe upon the last breath.

dreams

what is

a dream

come true

for me?

what lies

over the Rainbow?

don’t know.

is that wrong?

feels so –

like some thing

missing,

a crucial piece

of a puzzle

glaring

it its absence.

hidden away,

perhaps,

some where deep

in side

waiting

patiently

for the right time.

“live the questions”

Rilke advised.

one day,

you’ll bump into

their answers.

True Peace

can there be

True Peace

where there is

no re-pair

after harms

and ruptures,

no amends made,

no truths expressed

nor apologies extended

for sustained reconciliation?

this feels like

seeds being sowed

that may

ultimately reap

more violence

more trauma

more broken 💔 ness

more hatred and

sense-less destruction.

can there ever be

True Peace

where The Feminine voice

is left out,

where Love has been

forgotten

and diplomacy severely

abandoned,

where toxic masculinity

reigns

and unbridled arrogance

pats itself on the back?

how to cultivate

True Peace

in the midst of blatant

inequality,

where tenderness

and care

are nowhere

and domination

is centered?

do we even know what

True Peace

is

any longer?

have we ever?

sacred work

what is the Sacred Work

I am to do

being

fully

here

now –

tired

grief-strickened

stunned

a tad numbed?

what can I offer

from “my” heArt

to “yours”?

the breath?

mere air?

yes, deep breathing

inhaling,

smelling

like the way of a baby,

taking It all

in and down

to the belly

to the Fire 🔥

hold It there

gently witness

trans-formation.

At the appointed time,

exhale

re-lease

birth

slowly

intentionally

Freshness

something new

something

needed

urgently

now!

This is what

I am

to do.

feeding the un-certainty

where does un-certainty

reside in me?

no clarity

here

now.

what color is it,

this tension of un-certainty ?

not sure.

perhaps, butterscotch,

a merging of orange with yellow,

maybe a clue?

the Sacral, to feel,

or solar plexus’ mandate to do?

to only feel

and not to do?

surrender

submerged

feel the body

trans-form

dis-solve

flow

like the sacral waters

re-lease this Soul.

the wall of glass

an explosion!

a dismantling of perceived power,

a dramatic testament to impending change.

life cannot be contained,

controlled,

doled out in calculated bits

to a privileged few.

all this witnessed

through the wall of glass.

time ending for those over there –

the workers –

nearer to the raging Fire 🔥

and billowing towers of toxic smoke.

the possibility of extended time

and, perhaps, lessons,

for those over here,

a bit farther away  –

the family of consumers

living in the house 🏠

with the wall of glass.

bible

a rather bold invitation made:

write your own bible.

at first, a bit of consternation,

followed by curiosity

and irreverent possibilities!

bible as just a word –

lower case b

supplanting the upper case and its connotations:

dogma

constriction

judgement

patriarchy.

no, in my bible

tales of only love

connection,

spaciousness,

and a direct –

always open –

line to Benevolence.

Beauty in The Bleakness

marveling at the resplendent Peacock 🦚

its extra-ordinary ability to in-gest

poison

and trans-form it into breathtaking, awe-inspiring Beauty.

reminds me of the Lotus 🪷

thriving in bleak

muddy waters 💧

ah, the lessons nature teaches

when we choose to slow down

listen intently,

look up & down & all around carefully,

really lean into

the Totality of Life,

this Moment,

each other.

opportunities abound everywhere

to trans-form the perceived mess and chaos

into gentle medicine for all;

into something vastly different than we’ve ever experienced –

more relevant, courageous, mature, and equitable.

there is unimaginable Beauty in this bleakness.

can you feel it?

contradictions

I don’t recall

ever

seeing your violent side.

To me, you were always

one-of-a-kind  –

the cool,

tall,

dark & handsome uncle.

Never saw the part of you

who terrorized

your beautiful wife;

the you

who would beat

women

children

with a baseball bat!

Could I have loved you

if I had witnessed that?

Like Jekyll & Hyde,

we humans.

So many contradictions

and perplexing multitudes.

“Good” and “evil”

in equal measure

cutting through

all our hearts.

Are we to be confined

to the worst moments

of our lives?

We are made

crafted

molded

into who we become.

No innate monsters,

only beings

tragically un-done

wrecking havoc

in their altered state.

How do we be different –

infuse more love and tenderness;

choose significantly less violence,

champion wit and wisdom

instead of whips on children’s skin

and weapons of mass destruction?

an invitation

you are invited

to shed your masks

gently and slowly

begin to

un-hide

to touch

and be touched

to see anew

to feel and breathe

deeper

than you ever believed possible

to rest

to trust

surrender

fly

to Be in the here

all of you

now

and never

re-turn

to the you

in disguise.