Yield
your
Fruit,
just give it all away-
that which you came
here
to do,
to say.
Don that suit
with only your name on it.
Bring that song
you were crafted to sing.
Return to the dust
from whence you came
emptied
-with absolutely
no thing
left within.
Go home utterly spent-
’tis the only way
to live a life content.
love
connection
birth
death
change
perspective
memory
epiphany
creativity
redemption
clarity
tears
sleep
breath
sorrow
devastation
joy
life
Time brings all things to pass. AESCHYLUS
The L is for Love
“How deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me.” the Bee Gees
I cannot hear these beautiful lyrics without dissolving into a puddle of tears, they so deeply resonate for me -to this day. Really, what is Life without deep LOVE? Love unites -we belong to you and me. Love cushions and soothes ‘cause we’re living in a world of fools. Love is a balm to weary Souls that are repeatedly broken down and not let be. Love is a beacon of bright light when one is lost in the Abyss. Love is inside and all around us. Sometimes it is palpable and obvious, other times it is frustratingly elusive, mysterious and ineffable. Love prefers that you not chase it, “Let me come to you,” it whispers. “I promise I’ll be worth the wait.”
The I is for Integrity
“To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” William Shakespeare, Hamlet
With each passing year of life, it becomes more and more clear that integrity is crucial to a well lived and deeply satisfying life. It gets more challenging to bear The Mask as one matures. You simply do not possess the wherewithal and patience to carry the weight of conformity, pretending to be and do that which you innately are not. There is a part of us (the inner child, the soft still voice inside) that yearns to be true, to be free, to be consistently you in all circumstances and with all people. There is indeed this indomitable push to just be You – no matter the cost. Yes, be assured, cultivating integrity will cost you in effort, time, money, people, etc. Still, it is an investment that will pay unparalleled dividends to many and do so indefinitely.
F is for Faith
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
These words are my favorite in the Bible, the words I come back to repeatedly when I desperately need to access my Faith. I often wonder how Life is navigated without faith in something or someone. So much transpires every day that defies logic and renders us in numb disbelief (think 9/11, cops beating on a man while he cries out “I can’t breathe!”, tsunamis, war, etc). How does one remain human, soft and open when one is relentlessly bombarded with distressing news? Faith. Faith (in all its various permutations) buoys and grounds. It is the root, the start of everything else that is meaningful in life.
E is for Enjoy
“Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” Mother Teresa
Reading these poignant words by Mother Teresa (wisdom made flesh), I recall a conversation I had with a person of great influence in my life just a few days before graduating from college. “I am not happy,” I shared, nervous and near tears. ‘Life is not about happiness,” was the curt response I received. Ah, but it is I have since learned. Life is meant to be Enjoyed. Joy is not frivolous nor is its pursuit a sin. Joy is a powerful magnet, a net of love that draws us ever closer to our essence and to each other. There are few more delicious experiences in life than to wholeheartedly surrender to joy. Think about holding a baby or a puppy, a child’s unbridled laughter, eating warm bread or creamy ice cream, strolling a deserted beach on a beautiful summer day, watching the sun rise and fall, a full moon on a lake – all joyful and to be fully enjoyed.
Regularly venturing outside my zone of comfort and familiarity is a stated and lived goal in my life – one I make sure to adhere to every day. It is with this intention in mind that I allowed myself to partake in the bar scene after enjoying a fine meal at a beautifully intimate restaurant in Harlem.
After dinner, we headed upstairs to the packed and happening bar with its sexy bartenders and pulsating house music that took me way back to tha days! My friends and I scanned the room in search of suitable chocolate honeys. My eyes fall upon a particular honey – one with the physical characteristics I instantly responded to on a very visceral (and yes, I admit, most basic) level. “Let’s walk over to him,” a friend suggests. A woman walking over to a man? Not my usual or preferred style. But, hey, this was about veering a little away from my pattern, doing what is different and uncomfortable. So be it…
We walked over to the honey. Turns out he is celebrating a friend’s birthday. Honey shows no interest in me, showering attention on my friend. All good because, up close and in the light, honey was less appetizing to me – that base chakra of mine cooled down significantly and quickly!
With honey focused on my friend, his boy (the one celebrating a birthday) took it upon himself to entertain. He shared that he is now 55 years old.
“And how old are you?” he asked.
“Forty-six,” I responded.
“No?!” he gasped, genuinely stunned, “you can’t be!”
O—-kay, what the hell is this about, I thought to myself, knowing instinctively that this scene was only going downward from this point – and it did, fast!
In an attempt to keep matters light while I plot an exit plan, I said in jest “How do I know that you are really 55 years old?”
I expected (hoped) he’d flash a driver’s license or provide a response that would serve as fodder for a bit of fun repartee. No such luck.
“If you bend over,” he whispered in my ear, his fingers stroking the base of my spine, “I will prove it to you!”
Oh yes, he did go there. I kid you not!
Another friend, thoroughly disgusted, immediately walked away. I, with prosecco splashing about in my head, calmly smiled, recalling the lyrics to a favored song by Lauryn Hill: “…forgive them Father for they know not what they do…”
Eventually, I politely excused myself. I had risked and played outside my lines. The expectation of reward in the form of conscious coupling (yes, it can happen at a bar) was not met.
Still, the longer I live, the more I appreciate the old saying that it is not about the destination so much as it is about the journey; a reminder to me to not allow the expectation to dictate my motivation – to do and to be simply to do and to be. In Buddhism, as I interpret it, this is about the practice of non-attachment.
As I write, I recall these powerful words from the Bhagavad Gita that continue to serve me on this often challenging life journey:
“You have the right to your actions but never to your actions’ fruits. Act for the action’s sake. And do not be attached to inaction. Self-possessed, resolute, act without any thoughts of results, open to success or failure.”
These words take me to another powerful work, the Tao Te Ching, which humbly offers the following: “Do your work, then step back. The only Path to serenity.”
I did my work, and now I step back. One day, soon, I will choose to do the work (play at a fabulous bar) yet again. Regardless of the results, I will step back and then compose Act Two. And so it goes….
According to the dictionary independence (no dependence) is synonymous with self-government, self-rule, separation, self-determination, autonomy, freedom, and liberty.
We celebrate independence.
Yet, there is a popular old saying that no one is an island, meaning we are human and, thus, by very definition and design, social beings who are dependent on each other.
There are songs that emphatically assert that “…people who need people are the luckiest people in the world” and “it’s a small world after all.”
As both an introvert and the eldest daughter of a very strong woman, I often struggle with these assertions of interdependence. Which should I strive to be – independent or interdependent? Can one be effectively independent and interdependent?
My mother – with only the best intentions in mind – raised her three daughters to be just as strong as she is, which meant staunchly independent. “Let yourself never ever be put down by relying on a man,” my impressionable sisters and I were taught in both word and actions from very early on. Interdependence was never discussed; not sure mom even knew such a word existed! A woman was either independent or weak – period, no middle ground. This information I absorbed and, while it has served me well in many respects, as I mature I can clearly see the damage it has wrought in personal relationships.
For introverts, much as we love good company in relatively small doses, relating can be overwhelmingly taxing physically, emotionally, and intellectually. As such, an introvert requires separation from others to re-fuel. We can literally wither away without enough space and independence. Yet, too much of this “good” thing independence can leave the introvert vulnerable to depression and profound feelings of isolation.
I am seeing now the ego, limits and dangers of independence/self-determination and the reality, vulnerability and expansiveness of interdependence. I am learning that very little in life is black and white. As I gray, so does life!
burgeoninc 