chilling

could not get warm,

could not sleep.

body stiff,

clinging to itself.

mind, racing;

heart, broken. 💔

parricide

in what state of mind

is such a thing possible?

over and over and over

to rip into the flesh

that bore you,

to hear their cries,

screams,

pleas,

to feel their warm blood,

to witness

Life

leave the forms

from which you came.

chilling.

what we are capable of,

we, humans,

chilling.

the fragility of our psyche,

stunning.

we all walk on delicate ice

internally.

what is considered reality

can –

does –

suddenly

crack!

we fall in

deep,

become frozen.

and there

commit acts

so devastating

they ripple

far and wide. 😢

Message Blocking is Active

blocked 🚫

mere months

after The Transition

of he who was The Force

keeping family afloat,

tethered,

ever so delicately.

without him,

shedding,

the masks came off,

niceties abandoned.

“Love” disintegrated

to the point of blocking 🚫

take nothing personally.

still, sad,

feels abrasive,

like a middle finger 🖕

borne of deep hurt

a sense of disrespect,

expectations unmet.

The Circle 🔵 dwindling

by death

and, now, blocks 🚫

everything

so tender,

tenuous,

ephemeral.

Thresholds & Gates

“How is Guirlaine?”

He, the CEO,

asked

her,

who formerly

engaged

weekly

with Guirlaine.

He was to do so now.

But He

seemingly

forgot

about

Guirlaine,

allowing her to

drift,

dis-engage,

become

more and more

untethered,

free

to explore

other realms & possibilities,

to consider

Thresholds & Gates,

and play in

The Liminal.

All is well.

All in Divine Order.

contradictions

I don’t recall

ever

seeing your violent side.

To me, you were always

one-of-a-kind  –

the cool,

tall,

dark & handsome uncle.

Never saw the part of you

who terrorized

your beautiful wife;

the you

who would beat

women

children

with a baseball bat!

Could I have loved you

if I had witnessed that?

Like Jekyll & Hyde,

we humans.

So many contradictions

and perplexing multitudes.

“Good” and “evil”

in equal measure

cutting through

all our hearts.

Are we to be confined

to the worst moments

of our lives?

We are made

crafted

molded

into who we become.

No innate monsters,

only beings

tragically un-done

wrecking havoc

in their altered state.

How do we be different –

infuse more love and tenderness;

choose significantly less violence,

champion wit and wisdom

instead of whips on children’s skin

and weapons of mass destruction?

a marriage: scene one (version two)

It is dusk.

Rapid rain drops forceful against glass, an angry wind, lightning followed by the thunder – startling in its force and depth.

From the outside looking in, a reflection of The Husband, standing tall, tense, erect.

He is staring, blankly, pass his reflection at the lights, skyscrapers, and rain. In the room, elegant and austere in its demeanor – only a faint light from a lamp to his right.

On his feet, tan burnished leather cap-toe shoes. On his body, a three piece impeccably tailored striped wool black suit. Hands in his pockets forcing his jacket open, reveals a vest framing a narrow waist; a navy-blue shirt is fitted perfectly to his broad chest and wide shoulders; a thick matching tie crafted in silk is expertly knotted around his neck, sitting just below a prominent Adam’s Apple. He wears initialed gold cuff links, an anniversary present from The Wife.

His face: serious,

Eyebrows scowling,

Jaw, tense.

Nostrils, flaring as he breathes slowly, deeply, deliberately.

Eyes, tender, sad, tangled in thought.

A loud sigh, then quickly and suddenly, his face falls into his chest.

Slowly, his hands slip out of his pockets and reach up to encapsulate his face.

His wedding band of silver and diamonds shimmers in the relative darkness.

“How did I get here?” he whispers. “How did we get here?”

A gentle knock on a door, luring him reluctantly to the present Moment.

“It’s me,” she whispers, her voice filled with joy and anticipation.

He looks up, turns his body as if by force, and fixes his gaze on the door, frozen.

Another knock, slightly louder than the first and a little less confident.

She hesitates; he deliberates.

A bit of a stalemate.

He finally gathers himself, walks to the door and – slowly – opens it.

Their eyes meet, their lips smile.

She exhales; he inhales.

Both relax just a bit.

He reaches for her hand and gently draws her in, closing the door.

As her eyes adjust, she takes in the space – a large, elegant living room occupied with two massive couches facing each other and separated by an intricate modern chandelier that hangs low from the high ceilings, a baby grand piano, coal black and glistening, is framed by a wall of windows, floor to ceiling bookcases, and art everywhere – paintings and sculptures – a distinctly masculine vibe emanates from both the room and her host.

She continues to study the room, beyond the couches, a bar comes into view as if an oasis. A sudden urge for drink, for calm and grounding.

He is studying her intently, standing still, by the door, hands in his pockets.

The only sounds in the room – rain against the windows, the occasional howl of the wind outside, abated breaths.

She begins to remove her coat (long, fitted, soft black leather). As if by cue, he is behind her, helping.

He takes her coat; she moves toward the bar.

Her attire: a shiny cobalt blue, two-piece silk tailored business suit – slim jacket paired with a pencil skirt that fell a few inches above her knees. On her feet, four-inch black pumps. No jewelry. Manicured hands, minimal makeup. Her dark black hair pulled back in a tight bun.

“What would you like to drink?” he asks, joining her at the bar.

She settles into plush stool, feeling its softness on her hands and the back of her thighs.

He is behind the bar, waiting and watching.

She looks fully into his eyes for the first time since arriving, searching…

“I’ll have what you have,” she says – never losing contact with his eyes.

They smile and blush. He breaks their gaze to pour their drinks.

Every move he makes, she notes and remembers why she is here, why she is taking such a risk for the first time in her life.

“He is worth it,” she thinks. Her heart softens, her smile broadens as she accepts his drink.

Their fingers touch and eyes soon follow suit.

Cheers!” she says.

Cheers!” he responds, himself beginning to relax, just a bit.

The potency and complexity of the cognac are a welcome to both.

Feeling somewhat fortified, he says: “I have never in twenty years, been unfaithful to my wife.” Another, fuller hit of the expensive spirit.

“I have never even considered a married man,” she responds, and quickly takes in a mouthful of the cognac, swallowing quickly, craving the subtle burning at the back of her throat.

Their eyes meet, anxious smiles on the surface, desire simmering underneath.

That desire propelled them here today, arising – subconsciously – from the moment they first met, three years ago when she arrived at his firm, adeptly lured away from a formidable competitor by his younger brother and partner.

She quickly became an invaluable asset, working long hours by his side – they, the first ones into the office, and always the last ones to leave.

Professional and respectful always, she had met his wife, and admired her a great deal – creative, smart, funny, and utterly fearless, she perceived His Wife.

He had met her longtime boyfriend and got along with him famously. So much so, there were many double dates. Fun, memorable evenings – hours filled with exquisite food, excellent wine, intense, endlessly flowing conversations, and so much laughter.

One day – exactly a year ago – it all changed. She felt it coming. Her boyfriend decided to leave, citing the need for a more traditional relationship, one where the woman did not willingly work twice as many hours as her man and earned substantially more.

Tethered to no one and now a vested partner in The Husband’s firm, she worked harder, giving her all to work she adored and found profoundly meaningful.

He, too, invested more of himself to work. They would often share late dinners and early morning breakfasts.

Professionalism and respect continued between them, although it was becoming more and more challenging – she grew closer to The Husband, becoming a confidant as he pulled farther away from The Wife, his first love going back to University, and the mother of his children – twin boys now in college.

One late night – just last week – as they prepared to leave the office building to their respective homes, there was a passionate, lingering kiss as if long destined, a wave they could not contain.

No words were spoken nor plans made aloud.

There was an impending and important business trip that had been diligently planned six months earlier.

And here they are now, at the bar inside a dimly lit hotel suite, silently taking each other in. Outside, a cacophony of sound and sight: rain, wind, lightning, and thunder.

prayers to you

what’s it all about,
you coming into
this scared space
spewing your hate?
why not go outside
to the streets
into the Light –
strong and proud
expressing as you perceive:
that only white lives matter
all people of color
have “it” coming
that their lives mean nothing.
prayers to you,
for you truly know not
what it is you do.
you have forgotten
what You really are;
alas, you can see but so far-
only to the level of the skin
so utterly limited you are,
tightly constricted
unseen, likely never really heard,
lonely in your Little Box
amidst your tribe
of hardened have nots.
from such profound lack,
you shame and blame
easily kill and maim,
desperately looking outside
for what does not exist within.
no present capacity to self-reflect
nor the tools to adequately take stock
and practice personal responsibility.
fervent prayers for the lost pieces of you-
may you soon re-member and awaken.

 

I can’t breathe!

“I can’t breathe!!”

we, people the color of night’s sky, have been saying –
pleading-
for centuries.
What part of this do you not understand?
Are you not human
like me –
flesh
bone
blood?
A parent like me –
mother
sister
father
brother
like me?!
Look into my eyes
deep into The Soul
as I gaze into
The Essence of you.
Hear me:
I can’t breathe.
Tell me:
How does it feel
to have your knee
pinned to my back-
digging deep,
crushing with intention.
How does it serve you
to tie your noose
around my neck
stifling my breath
as I sway
gently
from the poplar tree?
Look into my eyes –
see what I see
so very clearly:
whatsoever you do
unto me,
you too
shall reap.
We
can’t
breathe.

Sacred Moment

this strange,
sudden
lonely
traumatic
seclusion.
A particularly fierce form of Grace.
All a bit of a blur-
so much has taken place
as revealed by this now wizened face.
Innocence gained and lost
as we endeavor to make the most
of what is truly a Sacred Moment
a pause, a break, space
for resurrection and metamorphosis.
Who will come of this?
Already feeling familiar pieces
falling away – cannot retrieve them
for there is no going back-
only surrender –
a radical submission,
to humility and a facile generosity
born from the remembrance
of our connectedness
and shared ancestry.

RED

Mixed emotions,
my relationship with Red
the color of
sensuality and menstruation-
of sin and punishment-
as I was taught.
Red did not hide-
neither docile nor shy.
Red, to me,
embodied extroversion-
loud and insufferable!
Beginning,
in the latter chapter of life,
to warm to Red some-
to appreciate her contours
and taste her complexity.
She’s beckoning me, Red
an invitation to finally
stand
firmly
in my Power.
It’s always been there,”
Red says.

Holding Space

holding space
resonates for me
deeper than
simply taking up space.
giver,
an easier fit than that of
receiver.
a calling to serve
with me since birth.
compelled to leave an imprint
to help make our world a little
better and kinder;
to mirror back to people
their best self, their good seeds
offering that which was not
always reflected to me.
And so, I hold space,
co-creating an expansive
and porous container-
a Welcome mat
a soft place to breathe,
to grow, to change.
A space that also
expands and contracts-
as intimate as the womb or a cocoon
and as wide as the night’s sky-
whatever the healing yearns for,
I hold The Space.