blocked 🚫
mere months
after The Transition
of he who was The Force
keeping family afloat,
tethered,
ever so delicately.
without him,
shedding,
the masks came off,
niceties abandoned.
“Love” disintegrated
to the point of blocking 🚫
take nothing personally.
still, sad,
feels abrasive,
like a middle finger 🖕
borne of deep hurt
a sense of disrespect,
expectations unmet.
The Circle 🔵 dwindling
by death
and, now, blocks 🚫
everything
so tender,
tenuous,
ephemeral.
I forgot about you,
kidnapped
“living” underground
for years
amid “strangers” –
fellow humans
traumatized
traumatizing
using you
as mere means to a bitter end
playing a destructive game
of cat & mouse
in an endless cycle of
tit for tat.
I forgot about you
focused on the thousands
above ground
having their ground
children
lives
shattered to pieces
relentlessly
by the traumatized
traumatizing.
I could see them.
I couldn’t see you.
Out of sight,
Out of Heart,
I learned
about self –
humbled,
horrified,
human.
an explosion!
a dismantling of perceived power,
a dramatic testament to impending change.
life cannot be contained,
controlled,
doled out in calculated bits
to a privileged few.
all this witnessed
through the wall of glass.
time ending for those over there –
the workers –
nearer to the raging Fire 🔥
and billowing towers of toxic smoke.
the possibility of extended time
and, perhaps, lessons,
for those over here,
a bit farther away –
the family of consumers
living in the house 🏠
with the wall of glass.
I don’t recall
ever
seeing your violent side.
To me, you were always
one-of-a-kind –
the cool,
tall,
dark & handsome uncle.
Never saw the part of you
who terrorized
your beautiful wife;
the you
who would beat
women
children
with a baseball bat!
Could I have loved you
if I had witnessed that?
Like Jekyll & Hyde,
we humans.
So many contradictions
and perplexing multitudes.
“Good” and “evil”
in equal measure
cutting through
all our hearts.
Are we to be confined
to the worst moments
of our lives?
We are made
crafted
molded
into who we become.
No innate monsters,
only beings
tragically un-done
wrecking havoc
in their altered state.
How do we be different –
infuse more love and tenderness;
choose significantly less violence,
champion wit and wisdom
instead of whips on children’s skin
and weapons of mass destruction?
just a few days ago,
a conversation ends,
powerful emotions swelled,
old wounds
ripped
re-opened,
breathing
constricted,
Earth under feet
no longer –
shifted,
cracked,
trembled.
oh no,
not again!
The Protectors
came to The Door –
not safe,
run away,
disengage!
I hit The Wall
today;
ran right into it –
mind, body and Spirit – splat!
Hit it so hard,
the tears came
tumbling down,
suddenly,
out of seemingly nowhere.
A deluge –
in public no less!
“What is this?” I cried,
trying desperately
to cover and hide.
A rare occurrence
for me-
losing control,
forced to surrender,
pause,
look,
pivot
and reconsider
choices made,
examine
subconscious motivations,
and
the allowance
of subtle intimidation.
LIFE
can seem insane.
So many of us are unable
to withstand its pain.
We do our best to live,
to contribute
to a world
constantly changing
and maddening.
Still, through it all
some of us manage not to fall.
Like a seedling
making its way up through concrete,
we spread our wings,
we plant our feet.
We’ve found our place;
we are lauded and celebrated.
But then-
in the blink of an eye,
an “apparent suicide“.
What happened?!
What went wrong?!
Does not success
bring with it sustained happiness?
What of us
for whom no one makes a fuss,
who daily squeeze into an overcrowded bus
to a job that leaves us empty and numb?
If the “extra-ordinary” so regularly succumb,
how then does the “ordinary” overcome?
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation…” Henry David Thoreau, Walden
I had plans
today.
Plans for adventure
and duty-
all
entailed
The Commute
to The City
on the weekend
when all Hell is loosed
and The Commute
becomes an Intolerable Beast,
affecting me
everywhere –
from head
down to feet!
The relentless rush,
the multitudes of people,
trains disabled.
The smell of urine
and rotten cheese
emanating from homeless humans
with limbs grotesquely diseased-
scratching, sleeping
begging, hustling.
And then
there’s The Noise–
my God –
crashing
repeatedly
angrily
forcefully
into me,
engulfing me
like a seismic sea wave,
driving me crazy,
utterly insane!
I must go deep
inside–
retreat,
hide-
do whatever it takes
to survive
The Commute’s
overwhelming
and exhausting
stimuli
I so desperately hate.
I was not built for this–
no, not me
the sensitive introvert
who thrives
only
in relative silence;
who loves
longs for
peace and quiet.
The older I get
the more intense
is the stress
that The Commute
elicits.
As my threshold
for tolerance
rapidly drops,
the more urgent
the need
for a fresh start-
a new, different Life,
one devoid of The Commute’s
inherent strife.
it is only the second day of the new year,
and i wonder why am i here?
why didn’t i just disappear?
feel so ….
invisible and disposable,
useless and directionless.
alas, been in this place many times before,
so i know well the score:
and this, too, shall pass.
the question is
how long will it last?
burgeoninc 