out of Sight, out of Heart

I forgot about you,

kidnapped

“living” underground

for years

amid  “strangers”  –

fellow humans

traumatized

traumatizing

using you

as mere means to a bitter end

playing a destructive game

of cat & mouse

in an endless cycle of

tit for tat.

I forgot about you

focused on the thousands

above ground

having their ground

children

lives

shattered to pieces

relentlessly

by the traumatized

traumatizing.

I could see them.

I couldn’t see you.

Out of sight,

Out of Heart,

I learned

about self –

humbled,

horrified,

human.

hunger

a constant gnawing

deep within

to be fed

and tended to

through The Mouth

that did not know

its mother’s milk

suckled instead

by the middle finger

of its right hand

The Mouth that spoke

not a word

its first few years

now relentlessly demands

food

attention

silence

rarely satiated

riddled with shame

and melancholy

a downward spiral

often begins.

here, now

this time

a long breath

slowly let out

through The Mouth

gentler with the hunger

less intolerance

more patience.

the edges of sourdough bread

some times

i get hungry,

typically late

at night,

just before

i am supposed to be

in bed.

the hunger comes –

an unease in the pit

of my gut.

the mouth follows

with a desperate urge for…

what

exactly?

don’t want to go deep

now.

and so i reach

for the sourdough bread,

carefully peeling its edges,

nibbling,

satiated.

any pieces beneath the crust –

whoa…intense!

it feels way too much!

summer

always so activating,
the summer months,
for me:
so much skin exposed,
flesh seemingly everywhere-
breasts
legs
midriffs
butt checks-
all as overwhelming
and stifling
as the humidity
and the heat
and that inner voice
incessant speak:
cover up and hide,
yours is not a body
for display to the outside
.”