A Year-End Stream of Consciousness

Lack of attunement is what I am feeling acutely … a familiar feeling … is this the “norm” for a Life of The Unexpected? If it is, how do I navigate? With patience, with altruism, with totality, with anticipation, with simplicity, with authority, with humanity, with freshness, creativity, and the allowance for emergence, with integrity, with diplomacy – with all your innate gifts. In this Moment of agitation, unease, entropy – where do I lean? When you don’t know yet what to do, do nothing, be Still – isn’t that the message this whole year especially from Goddess Sige, who appeared multiple times to and for me? Not so easy, Silence/Stillness – why I consume and seek incessantly and rarely find…What have I found this year? What have I learned? How have I changed ingesting so much beauty-full richness? What has integrated? I don’t know yet … and will wait … be patience until called back into The Eternal Void … What is the invitation here and now? What am I to learn? What are the insights? Where am I deaf and blind? How to emerge from this victim consciousness? What is another story? An epiphany? The Quintessence? What is the practice of equality that bridges weakness to Tenderness? What is the resolve needed to transform exhaustion and the deep desire to just dis-appear to truly hear and live Divine Will? I don’t know yet …Stop seeking and find what? Peace? Community? Attunement? “Right” Livelihood? Home? Meaning? Abundance? Yes, to all please … Do I believe it to be true: all that is sought resides within? What’s inside of me? Who am I? Why am I here, now? I don’t know yet … When will I know for certain? Maybe upon the last breath.

True Peace

can there be

True Peace

where there is

no re-pair

after harms

and ruptures,

no amends made,

no truths expressed

nor apologies extended

for sustained reconciliation?

this feels like

seeds being sowed

that may

ultimately reap

more violence

more trauma

more broken 💔 ness

more hatred and

sense-less destruction.

can there ever be

True Peace

where The Feminine voice

is left out,

where Love has been

forgotten

and diplomacy severely

abandoned,

where toxic masculinity

reigns

and unbridled arrogance

pats itself on the back?

how to cultivate

True Peace

in the midst of blatant

inequality,

where tenderness

and care

are nowhere

and domination

is centered?

do we even know what

True Peace

is

any longer?

have we ever?

sacred work

what is the Sacred Work

I am to do

being

fully

here

now –

tired

grief-strickened

stunned

a tad numbed?

what can I offer

from “my” heArt

to “yours”?

the breath?

mere air?

yes, deep breathing

inhaling,

smelling

like the way of a baby,

taking It all

in and down

to the belly

to the Fire 🔥

hold It there

gently witness

trans-formation.

At the appointed time,

exhale

re-lease

birth

slowly

intentionally

Freshness

something new

something

needed

urgently

now!

This is what

I am

to do.

feeding the un-certainty

where does un-certainty

reside in me?

no clarity

here

now.

what color is it,

this tension of un-certainty ?

not sure.

perhaps, butterscotch,

a merging of orange with yellow,

maybe a clue?

the Sacral, to feel,

or solar plexus’ mandate to do?

to only feel

and not to do?

surrender

submerged

feel the body

trans-form

dis-solve

flow

like the sacral waters

re-lease this Soul.

bible

a rather bold invitation made:

write your own bible.

at first, a bit of consternation,

followed by curiosity

and irreverent possibilities!

bible as just a word –

lower case b

supplanting the upper case and its connotations:

dogma

constriction

judgement

patriarchy.

no, in my bible

tales of only love

connection,

spaciousness,

and a direct –

always open –

line to Benevolence.

an invitation

you are invited

to shed your masks

gently and slowly

begin to

un-hide

to touch

and be touched

to see anew

to feel and breathe

deeper

than you ever believed possible

to rest

to trust

surrender

fly

to Be in the here

all of you

now

and never

re-turn

to the you

in disguise.

The Illumination of Benevolence

The Stunning Presence

you see,

that is The Illumination of Benevolence.

The Eloquence

you perceive,

that is The Expression of Benevolence.

The Care

you feel,

those are The Hands of Benevolence 🙏

Empty vessels, we can be

when we surrender –

completely –

to Benevolence’s Will.

Then we consider

everyone, all beings

no thing left behind –

abandoned

forsaken.

lack of self love

afraid

to be

to speak

Me.

default

to please

all

to swallow

poisons

to smile

though the Heart

aches.

where Love

for Self

has not yet

matured

lack of

enoughness

takes root

bringing

constant recrimination

guilt

angst

such heaviness.

in this vast wilderness

Hope

a tiny Voice

a faint Light

stirrings

of an innate

Self-Regard 🙏