The Doer

I see a Need

and I fill It-

no questions asked

no hesitation born of self-doubt.

No, I just do It now

do the Thing that beckons me,

scares me,

that which was meant for me only.

I do It with

the who I am,

what I have,

what I know

in this space and time.

What may now elude me

will eventually find me,

bringing the resources

I did not need

to immediately

heed and proceed.

You see, I, the Doer,

Trust

wholeheartedly – I simply must!

I trust in me,

steeped in a Power,

an inner knowing

beyond what I can comprehend

and see.

And of the inevitable obstacles,

but mere opportunities,

endless possibilities

to fulfil a sacred

responsibility

to be always in service to

our humanity.

 

 

 

music (draft un)

My muse,

what I turn to when utterly confused;

that which inspires

and sets my Soul and loins afire;

a bright Light

to the long, dark night;

the champagne that

not only lightens

the pain

but also

it explains.

My Love,

I cannot do without,

shy inhibitions,

you aptly loosen;

you make the mute, shout,

and the introvert dance wildly about-

as if no one is on watch;

you fill to overflow

with glee and joy

like a cherished Christmas Day toy!

Muse,

in melody, harmony and word,

you provide rich fodder

to be heard, felt and

deeply ponder.

Through you

in you,

by you,

I feel the close presence of my Lord!

I hear His gentle voice

direct to me, He talks!

My heart is

wide open,

softly broken,

sweetly aching.

The tears inevitable flow,

the floodgates, now ajar,

torrential rain, not far.

I relent, well spent:

my Soul, ascents.

Transformed,

informed,

humbled and grateful

to-

for-

the music

only Heaven could have borne.

 

 

 

pleasure

imagine a life devoid of pleasure, of great joy?

what would be the point?

an elder once shared

that pleasure is an indulgence

reserved for the blessed few with no cares.

“life is about duty and obligation,” elder declared.

even naïve, at the cusp of adulthood,

i knew deep inside that this was a flagrant falsehood.

no, that would not be my truth to bear.

for me, pleasure would be as essential as water and air.

unlike said elder,

i’d tasted pleasure.

pleasure came a knockin’ on my door,

i’d let it right on in asked for more –

eagerly

hungrily

desperately

and unapologetically.

i soaked up pleasure as if it were buried treasure!

there was no going back,

no about-face,

for i’d grown too fond of pleasure‘s intoxicating taste.

i continue to seek you, pleasure

in your various guises and splendor-

to relish in you responsibly

and unselfishly,

sharing you widely.

for this i know with great certainty:

life will bring its bitters –

that is a given.

but,

it also generously provides the sweets

to make it all tolerable and mercifully even.

 

 

 

 

prayer: nearer to Thee

Lord,

I beseech you (yet again)

tell me

guide me

loudly and very clearly (please)

As to what I am

to do

to be

so that I may proceed

newly focused and accordingly.

At times, My Lord,

I grow so weary,

burdened with existential angst

and near constant worry,

not feeling remotely worthy.

Just

alone,

lonely,

needy,

profoundly empty.

From here,

nowhere to go nor to be,

only to draw

ever nearer and nearer to

Thee.

magnum opus

the color purple, seminal chef d’oeuvre Alice birthed;

roots by Alex helped African-Americans define our place here on this complicated Earth;

revelations, the glorious masterpiece Alvin conceived, changed forever how dance is perceived;

i have a dream, Dr. King presciently declared to a young nation its mandate laid bare;

like these fellow humans extraordinaire,

do we all, too, have deep inside a magnum opus to share –

some work of great resonance and immediacy

one channeled through us mysteriously and thoroughly

to awaken, enlighten, and inspire humanity

so as to foster lasting peace and unity

and help alleviate suffering, injustice and egregious inequality?

affirmative, i believe

as this may be the reason why we are here now and live.

our masterwork may manifest itself as

a seemingly subtle deed

or via the birth of a divine human being.

for some, an idea whose time has finally and suddenly been fashioned;

for others, an action or creation born of deliberate and obsessive passion.

it may be immediately recognized

or, initially, widely despised and reviled.

alas, we humans can be so naïve and blind.

what is your magnum opus

is it in the past

or do you feel it coming up for air and light at very last?

will you discern it as such

or cavalierly, insecurely dismiss it as mere fluff?

 

 

 

 

 

 

love in-action

mesmerized, I remain

obsessed, even, as if on cocaine

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

deeper and deeper, I am thrust

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

falling in “love” and in lust

with a being no longer with us

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

tell me, what am I to do,

how am I to be with these thoughts

this bitter and sweet misery

and burning desire to be let free,

to quickly go and join my love in eternity

“not quite yet,” whispers God above

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

a boulder stuck in my throat, hot tears in my eyes

love on my mind –

incessantly, sexually, spiritually

“God, please help me,” I plea

don’t want to get enough,

don’t want to stop

but – eventually – must

I remain here

love has disappeared

 

 

 

genius: part 1

“When nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

The presumption being then that when “the work” has been done to satisfaction, Nature calls genius back home: “Your work down here is complete; you’ve fulfilled your purpose. On to the next.”

In my mind and heart, this is what transpired in the case of our dearly beloved and departed Prince. Nature so stunningly and (in the moment) inexplicably ceasing him back to Her bosom, shook something deep inside of me that continues to tremble and uncomfortably shift.

I’m feeling unmoored, disoriented – not quite certain why. What exactly is going on within? As I cannot articulate it with any real coherence – just a thick mixture of sadness, dread, fear, confusion – I desperately seek both answers and comfort by delving ever deeper into The Artist’s life and music. It’s bordering frighteningly on the obsessive, this I know! Yet, I cannot turn away – it is an internal draw beyond my conscious control at the Moment. Truly I tell you, resistance is futile. So, I reluctantly relent – too tired and enthralled to do otherwise.

In an interview, Prince astutely observed that any interest in him beyond his music speaks to a lacking/a need in another – nothing to do with him. He is absolutely correct; to that I can wholeheartedly attest.

My sojourn into the Purple Rain continues to yield much and rich fruit. Presently, I am ruminating on the concept of “genius” – a word that is synonymous with Prince. Very few would dare argue otherwise – nor could do so convincingly.

Yes, Prince was a genius; he embodied it in a way that is breathtaking and astonishes, this he knew from early on until the end/beginning (how could he not?) Nature wanted to fill its world with music and showmanship not since seen or experienced and – poof – Prince Rogers Nelson was created for such a time as that. It took only 57 years for Nature’s work to be done through that relatively small human vessel- exemplifying just how bright and blindingly brilliant Prince’s Light shined, how singularly focused he was on his work, mission, purpose.

As my insides churn with envy and profound inadequacy (comparing and despairing), a little voice, whimpering and seeking some solace, whispers: “Is genius/an entity, a creation such as a Prince the exception or the rule?” This voice is challenging me to step back a little from the haze and explore further: Is genius exceptional, elitist, reserved just for some, a very select few or is it a tad more generous and democratic in its form(s)? Hope for me comes with a belief in the latter. Perhaps, this explains the inexplicable pull I’ve been feeling into the Purple Rain – the message I desperately need to hear repeatedly, grasp, own, and, ultimately, share – the work/message that genius in the form formerly known as Prince was really placed on this Earth to do/deliver.

I am reminded of these words uttered by genius currently in the form know as Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world …We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Heartfelt many thanks for the coming liberation my dearly beloved Prince!

 

 

out of service

I am

out

of

service.

No longer will I do only as told;

I will, instead, endeavor in all ways to be Bold.

No longer will I relent to your perspective on what is deemed art;

I will, instead, succumb only to the rhythm and vision of my own Heart.

No longer will I heed passively to what feels and sounds to me utterly absurd;

I will, instead, be Heard and not part of the herd.

No longer will I merely accept what is;

I will, instead, search, dig deep and extract from within for without what is authentically His.

Your definition of “success” I will choose to categorically reject;

For, you see, I am

now and forever more

out

of

your

service.

Home is…

…where the Heart resides

…where the Soul flies

…where Love prevails

…where authentic connectedness cures all (or most) of what ails

…where one’s Spirit is finally free and can exhale

…where all pretense and the burdensome masks give way

…where your Tribe comes out to play

…where one’s many Songs are sung

…where creativity simply for its own sake is not so far-flung

…where Life is a little smoother around the edge

…where thoughts don’t constantly veer frighteningly toward The Ledge

Home is…

…the Peace that surpasses all understanding

…the Path Not yet Taken

…the constant Prayer seemingly unanswered

…the blissful state of feeling favored

…the real Me birthed and seen

…the Mystery, revealed

…the yellow-brick Road less Traveled

…the ultimate Goal unraveled

 

 

GRACE

how does one adequately define and contain this thing known as Grace?

the word in speech calms and soothes; it brings with it hope and the promise of salvation.

we know Grace when we see it, feel it, but what exactly is it?

Grace is unearned we learn, given freely to those most undeserving.

“ask and you shall receive,” scripture teaches. “knock and the door shall open.”

so, is Grace answered prayer, outcomes relentlessly hoped and prayed for?

what of the unanswered prayers and doors never opened?

“there but for the Grace of God,” we utter somewhat sheepishly when the fickle, unpredictable hands of perceived misfortune pass us by.

what then when we are brought to our knees, when life unexpectedly and fiercely pivots into the unknown, the unwelcomed and unwanted new normal?

is there Grace in the darkness, the mess, the despair?

or does Grace only reside in the light, the clarity, the joy?

does Grace come solely from above, from our God?

or can we, spiritual beings in human flesh, also be Grace-ious, bestowing Grace upon each other?

is God’s will the opposite or is it synonymous to His Grace?

how does one define Grace, this small big word that is so often referenced and yet so rarely fully grasped?

perhaps, like beauty and God (and other such big small concepts), Grace is defined by its beholder and is also beyond definition.