out of Sight, out of Heart

I forgot about you,

kidnapped

“living” underground

for years

amid  “strangers”  –

fellow humans

traumatized

traumatizing

using you

as mere means to a bitter end

playing a destructive game

of cat & mouse

in an endless cycle of

tit for tat.

I forgot about you

focused on the thousands

above ground

having their ground

children

lives

shattered to pieces

relentlessly

by the traumatized

traumatizing.

I could see them.

I couldn’t see you.

Out of sight,

Out of Heart,

I learned

about self –

humbled,

horrified,

human.

True Peace

can there be

True Peace

where there is

no re-pair

after harms

and ruptures,

no amends made,

no truths expressed

nor apologies extended

for sustained reconciliation?

this feels like

seeds being sowed

that may

ultimately reap

more violence

more trauma

more broken 💔 ness

more hatred and

sense-less destruction.

can there ever be

True Peace

where The Feminine voice

is left out,

where Love has been

forgotten

and diplomacy severely

abandoned,

where toxic masculinity

reigns

and unbridled arrogance

pats itself on the back?

how to cultivate

True Peace

in the midst of blatant

inequality,

where tenderness

and care

are nowhere

and domination

is centered?

do we even know what

True Peace

is

any longer?

have we ever?

contradictions

I don’t recall

ever

seeing your violent side.

To me, you were always

one-of-a-kind  –

the cool,

tall,

dark & handsome uncle.

Never saw the part of you

who terrorized

your beautiful wife;

the you

who would beat

women

children

with a baseball bat!

Could I have loved you

if I had witnessed that?

Like Jekyll & Hyde,

we humans.

So many contradictions

and perplexing multitudes.

“Good” and “evil”

in equal measure

cutting through

all our hearts.

Are we to be confined

to the worst moments

of our lives?

We are made

crafted

molded

into who we become.

No innate monsters,

only beings

tragically un-done

wrecking havoc

in their altered state.

How do we be different –

infuse more love and tenderness;

choose significantly less violence,

champion wit and wisdom

instead of whips on children’s skin

and weapons of mass destruction?

the edges of sourdough bread

some times

i get hungry,

typically late

at night,

just before

i am supposed to be

in bed.

the hunger comes –

an unease in the pit

of my gut.

the mouth follows

with a desperate urge for…

what

exactly?

don’t want to go deep

now.

and so i reach

for the sourdough bread,

carefully peeling its edges,

nibbling,

satiated.

any pieces beneath the crust –

whoa…intense!

it feels way too much!

Iron

I will not carry your Iron,
I will no longer bear your Burdens,
I shall not strive to Redeem you,
I will only Thank you,
for being the vehicle of this birth,
the channel through which this River flowed
into illusion, destined to forget
and then
to remember.
I was to spread these Wings
perhaps wider than was allotted to you,
parents, who did what was your story to do,
to “love” as you were “loved”.
Alas, ancestral trauma,
we drag it from
generation to generation
iteration to iteration
until it dissipates,
withers,
is transformed
back into the Love
from which it
ultimately
came.
All trauma is golden
at its core –
was crafted in service
and protection.
Without it –
likely no ancestry,
no bloodlines,
no opportunity to
re-member;
no journey to take
back to where it all began…
I will not carry your Iron,
I will play
my Role
in melting it.

Inspired by and indebted to Mary Oliver’s stunning poem, Flare
“my mother, alas, alas,
did not always love her life,
heavier than iron it was
as she carried it in her arms, from room to room,”