“All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.” – Ellen Glasgow

I made a change not to long ago. Took a leap of great Faith to make a move. This was the intention, a top resolution for 2014: move forward, change for the sole sake of growth.

For about one month, it felt as if the goal was achieved, the mission accomplished. I was professionally energized as I had not been in a very long time – fully engaged, hopeful about the creative possibilities for growth and forward movement – the most important motivators in my life. My Heart felt expansive and soft, fully open. Maybe – for the first time in my professional career – I found home, a home I had been searching for likely from the Moment I opened my eyes to this World from the warmth and comfort of the Womb.I remember feeling such a sense of deep peace, happiness, hopefulness, and joy.Thinking back now, most grateful I am to have been conscious enough to savor every beautiful Moment of those rich and delicious feelings – those Moments of pure Light. Perhaps, on some level, I knew that the Pendulum of Life would – as it always does – swing to the other direction, the dark.

And it did.

In the course of one conversation, one Moment, every thing changed! And the perceived hits just kept coming.

“All change is not growth…all movement is not forward.”

Now, I am left with only questions:

Was I in denial (ignorance as bliss)?

I thought I did my homework and due diligence. Yet, were there signs I  missed along the way, things I could not allow myself to fully see, questions I feared asking of them and of me?

Where do I go from here?

How to not merely hold on, but thrive in this seemingly bleak and barren landscape?

How do I navigate life as it is in this Moment in a way that does not lead me to the exact same and tired place – yet again? What do I do different, see, hear, be and think different?

How do I create and attract change that is real growth and movement that is indeed forward?

How do I manifest what are truly my intentions in life?

What inside of me is keeping me from self actualizing, from flying higher and fully living my Bliss?

What is going on beneath my surface, in that subconscious realm that is me stymieing me? For it is as the great Carl Jung noted: “When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.”

What are the lessons in this Moment of perceived darkness? The lessons I must learn (and re-learn) to have that Pendulum of Life swing the other way again, the way to the Light, the Light that will sustain and feed me when its partner, the dark, swings back?