Ready for Love

I say I am ready for Love.

I say it rather convincingly

but am I really

ready for

Love?

What exactly am I ready for

when True Love comes a knocking on this here door?

More questions than answers have I:

To him, who will I be?

What of his expectations of me?

Will I measure up? Will I fill his cup?

Will he stay

when my mask melts away

and my Light temporarily fades?

What of me –

Can I handle with calm dignity

the unfamiliar masculine energy?

Can I remain present, outside my protective shell

when communication is perceived as hell?

Can I allow a man to be a Man

and not automatically default to the feminist stance?

Can I trust him fully and completely

when I was taught so differently?

That all said,

in my heart and in my head:

Am I ready for Love?

To it, am I prepared to run –

to run toward that inevitable fire

that is intense, illogical hunger and crazy desire?

Ready to let it burn

without so much as a concern,

confident in whatever of me, of we

remains?

Yes,

I

am!

Been there once, years before.

Now,

I am

I know

I understand

so much more.

Come, Love.

 

 

 

june fifteenth

four years ago today

an irreversible change made,

a body violently altered-

“fixed” as it had faltered.

faltered, not on its own, you see,

but from deep fear and misery.

body was made

unwittingly

victim to

dreams too long deferred;

to emotions and creativity

consistently

unexpressed,

and knowing/intuition buried, suppressed.

mind, body, and Soul are One indeed.

why (still) so hard for me to heed?

s0, today, june fifteenth

I re-member,

I honor.

and I to new body do solemnly promise

to cultivate a consciousness

from which

boldly, I sing all my songs,

and no longer is my Light hidden.

So it is written.

 

The Doer

I see a Need

and I fill It-

no questions asked

no hesitation born of self-doubt.

No, I just do It now

do the Thing that beckons me,

scares me,

that which was meant for me only.

I do It with

the who I am,

what I have,

what I know

in this space and time.

What may now elude me

will eventually find me,

bringing the resources

I did not need

to immediately

heed and proceed.

You see, I, the Doer,

Trust

wholeheartedly – I simply must!

I trust in me,

steeped in a Power,

an inner knowing

beyond what I can comprehend

and see.

And of the inevitable obstacles,

but mere opportunities,

endless possibilities

to fulfil a sacred

responsibility

to be always in service to

our humanity.

 

 

 

music (draft un)

My muse,

what I turn to when utterly confused;

that which inspires

and sets my Soul and loins afire;

a bright Light

to the long, dark night;

the champagne that

not only lightens

the pain

but also

it explains.

My Love,

I cannot do without,

shy inhibitions,

you aptly loosen;

you make the mute, shout,

and the introvert dance wildly about-

as if no one is on watch;

you fill to overflow

with glee and joy

like a cherished Christmas Day toy!

Muse,

in melody, harmony and word,

you provide rich fodder

to be heard, felt and

deeply ponder.

Through you

in you,

by you,

I feel the close presence of my Lord!

I hear His gentle voice

direct to me, He talks!

My heart is

wide open,

softly broken,

sweetly aching.

The tears inevitable flow,

the floodgates, now ajar,

torrential rain, not far.

I relent, well spent:

my Soul, ascents.

Transformed,

informed,

humbled and grateful

to-

for-

the music

only Heaven could have borne.

 

 

 

pleasure

imagine a life devoid of pleasure, of great joy?

what would be the point?

an elder once shared

that pleasure is an indulgence

reserved for the blessed few with no cares.

“life is about duty and obligation,” elder declared.

even naïve, at the cusp of adulthood,

i knew deep inside that this was a flagrant falsehood.

no, that would not be my truth to bear.

for me, pleasure would be as essential as water and air.

unlike said elder,

i’d tasted pleasure.

pleasure came a knockin’ on my door,

i’d let it right on in asked for more –

eagerly

hungrily

desperately

and unapologetically.

i soaked up pleasure as if it were buried treasure!

there was no going back,

no about-face,

for i’d grown too fond of pleasure‘s intoxicating taste.

i continue to seek you, pleasure

in your various guises and splendor-

to relish in you responsibly

and unselfishly,

sharing you widely.

for this i know with great certainty:

life will bring its bitters –

that is a given.

but,

it also generously provides the sweets

to make it all tolerable and mercifully even.

 

 

 

 

giveback

to whom much is given,

in return, much is required.

so it is Written.

when one richly reaps,

recall to also generously sow.

this, the cycle of life, we must always note.

giveback:

our legacy to infinite eternity,

the ties that forever bind beyond time.

hold nothing back!

do in fact

go for broke

lest be broke.

this is the mandate

to negotiate

to fulfil one’s fate

to self-actualize and fully realize

one’s unique place

in this here space.

 

 

 

prayer: nearer to Thee

Lord,

I beseech you (yet again)

tell me

guide me

loudly and very clearly (please)

As to what I am

to do

to be

so that I may proceed

newly focused and accordingly.

At times, My Lord,

I grow so weary,

burdened with existential angst

and near constant worry,

not feeling remotely worthy.

Just

alone,

lonely,

needy,

profoundly empty.

From here,

nowhere to go nor to be,

only to draw

ever nearer and nearer to

Thee.

magnum opus

the color purple, seminal chef d’oeuvre Alice birthed;

roots by Alex helped African-Americans define our place here on this complicated Earth;

revelations, the glorious masterpiece Alvin conceived, changed forever how dance is perceived;

i have a dream, Dr. King presciently declared to a young nation its mandate laid bare;

like these fellow humans extraordinaire,

do we all, too, have deep inside a magnum opus to share –

some work of great resonance and immediacy

one channeled through us mysteriously and thoroughly

to awaken, enlighten, and inspire humanity

so as to foster lasting peace and unity

and help alleviate suffering, injustice and egregious inequality?

affirmative, i believe

as this may be the reason why we are here now and live.

our masterwork may manifest itself as

a seemingly subtle deed

or via the birth of a divine human being.

for some, an idea whose time has finally and suddenly been fashioned;

for others, an action or creation born of deliberate and obsessive passion.

it may be immediately recognized

or, initially, widely despised and reviled.

alas, we humans can be so naïve and blind.

what is your magnum opus

is it in the past

or do you feel it coming up for air and light at very last?

will you discern it as such

or cavalierly, insecurely dismiss it as mere fluff?

 

 

 

 

 

 

why?

why them and not me?

why this, not that, reality?

why do the myriad dots of life connect and collide as they do?

why does, for some, dreams and fairy tales come true?

while for others, they just barely make due.

why for some, more and more,

while for others poorer than poor?

why is there still such a concept as war

when truly we know why we came here for?

why do we hide behind an app, swiping left and right,

hoping for some connection even if shallow and just for one night?

why is it that we have such fear of our vulnerability,

forgetting it is the font of our invincibility?

why pretend to be that which you are intrinsically not,

systematically obliterating that which was naturally got –

the kinky hair, the grey strands, the broad nose, the dark skin, the laugh lines

leaving not a trace of these behind?

why settle in Life when you can be so much more and soar?

why does fear seem to always be the default for so many, and courage, the internal anomaly?

why is it so hard to get along and sing the same song – we are family, we are the world, we are one, we shall overcome…

why is Love blind and not hate?

the whys, on and on I can go…would it ever end?

no.

 

 

love in-action

mesmerized, I remain

obsessed, even, as if on cocaine

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

deeper and deeper, I am thrust

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

falling in “love” and in lust

with a being no longer with us

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

tell me, what am I to do,

how am I to be with these thoughts

this bitter and sweet misery

and burning desire to be let free,

to quickly go and join my love in eternity

“not quite yet,” whispers God above

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

a boulder stuck in my throat, hot tears in my eyes

love on my mind –

incessantly, sexually, spiritually

“God, please help me,” I plea

don’t want to get enough,

don’t want to stop

but – eventually – must

I remain here

love has disappeared