contradictions

I don’t recall

ever

seeing your violent side.

To me, you were always

one-of-a-kind  –

the cool,

tall,

dark & handsome uncle.

Never saw the part of you

who terrorized

your beautiful wife;

the you

who would beat

women

children

with a baseball bat!

Could I have loved you

if I had witnessed that?

Like Jekyll & Hyde,

we humans.

So many contradictions

and perplexing multitudes.

“Good” and “evil”

in equal measure

cutting through

all our hearts.

Are we to be confined

to the worst moments

of our lives?

We are made

crafted

molded

into who we become.

No innate monsters,

only beings

tragically un-done

wrecking havoc

in their altered state.

How do we be different –

infuse more love and tenderness;

choose significantly less violence,

champion wit and wisdom

instead of whips on children’s skin

and weapons of mass destruction?

death

out of no where

You come

dis-rupting comfort

and routine

toppling the known

and familiar

altering courses

forcing us

to begin anew

to see and be

different

You cleanse

and re-arrange

twisting us

in-side and

crying out

raising

existential questions

we’d rather run from

You will come

for each and every

one of us

at our appointed time

a surprise

out of

seeming

no where

an invitation

you are invited

to shed your masks

gently and slowly

begin to

un-hide

to touch

and be touched

to see anew

to feel and breathe

deeper

than you ever believed possible

to rest

to trust

surrender

fly

to Be in the here

all of you

now

and never

re-turn

to the you

in disguise.

hunger

a constant gnawing

deep within

to be fed

and tended to

through The Mouth

that did not know

its mother’s milk

suckled instead

by the middle finger

of its right hand

The Mouth that spoke

not a word

its first few years

now relentlessly demands

food

attention

silence

rarely satiated

riddled with shame

and melancholy

a downward spiral

often begins.

here, now

this time

a long breath

slowly let out

through The Mouth

gentler with the hunger

less intolerance

more patience.

Yolanda

Are you homeless?”

she asked,

penetrating my self immersion.

No, why?

I responded, a tad vexed.

Because of your bag,”

she said,

pointing to the shopping cart

I was wheeling behind me.

I am homeless,”

she shared.

I stopped,

emerged from my shell.

We stood

face to face

under a first quarter moon,

meeting each other.

Yolanda was her name –

engaging,

loquacious,

deeply rooted in her faith,

enamored of the Celestial Realms.

She spoke of harrowing experiences in the local shelters,

of the inconsiderate and dangerous conditions  –

especially

for a woman

alone.

Just a year ago,

Yolanda had a home,

a husband,

was employed with a car.

A divorce rendered her without,

leading to her sleeping

outside

for the first time

on a frigid and blustery night.

Yolanda alluded to

grown children,

yet gave thanks

only to the kind strangers

who kept her fed

and still alive.

“I will pray for you,”

I offered humbly.

And I have,

and will continue to

pray for Yolanda

and all in our human family

on their own

out

in the bitter cold.

This is not the way it’s supposed to be!

We are each otherโ€™s keeper!

Indeed, we are each other!

When did we forget this?

No mere coincidence,

my time with Yolanda.

Divinely orchestrated,

potent seeds planted.

An assignment awaits.

the edges of sourdough bread

some times

i get hungry,

typically late

at night,

just before

i am supposed to be

in bed.

the hunger comes –

an unease in the pit

of my gut.

the mouth follows

with a desperate urge for…

what

exactly?

don’t want to go deep

now.

and so i reach

for the sourdough bread,

carefully peeling its edges,

nibbling,

satiated.

any pieces beneath the crust –

whoa…intense!

it feels way too much!

the water

water

this is where it all begins

with us

shimmering

in the fluid amniotic

bliss-fully breathing the mother

until summoned

to enter

spitting out the water

to take in the air

our bodies

forever

to consist

mostly

of the water

our journeys

punctuated by

the water 

tears

sweat

multiple re-births

bathed in the salty waters

until beckoned

to exit

the wave

returns

to the water

where it all begins

again

Grace

we fall down

and we get up

we fall asleep

and we wake up

back and forth

up and down

the spectrum of consciousness

we go

round and round

the cycle of unwellness

until

sometimes quite suddenly

a shift

from deep Within

Grace

a gentle beckoning

to another

completely different

way

Still-ness

Still-ness

is quiet

and slow;

a Mountain top

in lieu of

the marketplace;

blessed Solitude

chosen over

the complexities

of company.

Still-ness

is the Moon’s femininity

relative to

the Sun‘s great fiery ๐Ÿ”ฅ

may we Be Stll

to know

to then act

from Heart ๐Ÿ™

been here before

this place,

these people,

those words,

that feeling,

been here before.

The Benevolent Universe

slowly closing a door,

ushering in

something unfamiliar

far beyond my

imagination –

another assignment

an opportunity

to learn

to grow

to contribute

and explore

pieces of me

never seen before.

anticipation clasps the hand

of trepidation,

resistance gradually gives way

to acceptance

of a Journey

marked by the continuous

making

and then

the breaking

of bonds.