do you see what I see?

come to me, Beloved.

come, straight with not a hint of a chaser:

no art on your face

nor hair made up and straight.

come to me in your most natural state.

allow me to see exactly what God done create.

let me see you in the “harsh” Light,

not just undercover “protected” by the night.

My Love, why the masks?

you know I must ask.

why do you feel you must always run from me,

hiding away your true identity?

what is it you do not wish for me to see?

come, Baby.

sit,

breathe,

be.

then,

look

at

Me.

Look into your mirror through my eyes.

do you see what I see-

your great beauty,

that you are infinitely worthy

just as you are

right now?

in your own eyes,

do you see in you the mystery,

vulnerability,

fragility,

abundant curiosity,

and stubborn audacity?

do you?

really?

and of the fine lines indelibly etched on your face-

do you see your long history and humble ministry?

do you, Baby?

what of your beautiful skin-

scarred, marred, unshaven, uneven?

therein, your unique composition,

not crafted to be ignored,

but deeply appreciated and fully explored.

do you see what I see, Baby?

your True Story,

your ineffable Glory.

 

 

 

 

the sea: take one

vibrant blue-green

scattered, tangled algae

sweet scent and taste of salinity.

it is breezy

I feel such delicious tranquility

in my beautiful sanctuary.

infinity – sea, sky: where the line?

whoosh..

the waves: a soothing, rhythmic melody.

afar, a lone boat sails by mystically, quietly.

above, fly and sing, the seagulls;

within, my Soul so very thank-full!

 

 

emptied

fill what was once occupied,

what once could bear life inside.

fill it with Light;

fill it with Words;

fill it with Music;

fill it with Wisdom;

fill it with much Love.

fill it, please

with all of these.

fill it so the void

don’t spread

to my head.

fill it

so that I can choose, always,

Life

instead.

You emptied me.

now, to overflow,

fill me.

make me

a vessel,

a vehicle,

a channel.

then, pour from me

abundantly and continuously

until I return home,

to Thee.

Ready for Love

I say I am ready for Love.

I say it rather convincingly

but am I really

ready for

Love?

What exactly am I ready for

when True Love comes a knocking on this here door?

More questions than answers have I:

To him, who will I be?

What of his expectations of me?

Will I measure up? Will I fill his cup?

Will he stay

when my mask melts away

and my Light temporarily fades?

What of me –

Can I handle with calm dignity

the unfamiliar masculine energy?

Can I remain present, outside my protective shell

when communication is perceived as hell?

Can I allow a man to be a Man

and not automatically default to the feminist stance?

Can I trust him fully and completely

when I was taught so differently?

That all said,

in my heart and in my head:

Am I ready for Love?

To it, am I prepared to run –

to run toward that inevitable fire

that is intense, illogical hunger and crazy desire?

Ready to let it burn

without so much as a concern,

confident in whatever of me, of we

remains?

Yes,

I

am!

Been there once, years before.

Now,

I am

I know

I understand

so much more.

Come, Love.

 

 

 

dear b.,

first and foremost, I love You.

Your love for Me, in turn, I hold in great and eternal gratitude.

Our relationship has grown beyond that of friends…

no, more like Kindred Souls to this particular end.

hence why the current page in our long and storied sojourn,

feels decidedly like a deep and painful burn.

we’ve always rooted for the other,

always encouraged one another to dream bigger and fly ever higher.

You, perhaps better than any other, know of My wanderlust and constant restlessness.

You have been privy to how My Spirit lifts, is renewed and healed by following My bliss.

So, why now this time, after an extraordinary adventure granted unto Me,

You, seething with anger born of internal frustration and pain, lash out so emotionally violently?

first and foremost, I love You; and from love, great compassion and recognition flows.

I see into You, Beloved B.

I can see the great challenge of living within a body of such fragility,

a body, once so strong (as mine, you may perceive), one designed to walk, to travel, to live independently.

with an extraordinary mind, Spirit and imagination like Yours, you were not meant for bed confinement, relegated to one small room in deafening silence.

we, the “able-bodied” go out and play; you have no choice but to stay.

I see into You, Beloved B.

what would you have me do and say when it is the benevolent Universe that wills all this way?

shall I, in fear of losing you, keep My joy from You, hide, shrink before You, so that You do not continue to resent and dismiss “me” in the depths of your pain?

is that the way forward for us? no, just prideful and inane.

We are better than that, both know better, and have the capacity to do and to be better.

The only question: together, will we?

I see You and it takes Two.

 

 

 

 

 

genius: part 1

“When nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

The presumption being then that when “the work” has been done to satisfaction, Nature calls genius back home: “Your work down here is complete; you’ve fulfilled your purpose. On to the next.”

In my mind and heart, this is what transpired in the case of our dearly beloved and departed Prince. Nature so stunningly and (in the moment) inexplicably ceasing him back to Her bosom, shook something deep inside of me that continues to tremble and uncomfortably shift.

I’m feeling unmoored, disoriented – not quite certain why. What exactly is going on within? As I cannot articulate it with any real coherence – just a thick mixture of sadness, dread, fear, confusion – I desperately seek both answers and comfort by delving ever deeper into The Artist’s life and music. It’s bordering frighteningly on the obsessive, this I know! Yet, I cannot turn away – it is an internal draw beyond my conscious control at the Moment. Truly I tell you, resistance is futile. So, I reluctantly relent – too tired and enthralled to do otherwise.

In an interview, Prince astutely observed that any interest in him beyond his music speaks to a lacking/a need in another – nothing to do with him. He is absolutely correct; to that I can wholeheartedly attest.

My sojourn into the Purple Rain continues to yield much and rich fruit. Presently, I am ruminating on the concept of “genius” – a word that is synonymous with Prince. Very few would dare argue otherwise – nor could do so convincingly.

Yes, Prince was a genius; he embodied it in a way that is breathtaking and astonishes, this he knew from early on until the end/beginning (how could he not?) Nature wanted to fill its world with music and showmanship not since seen or experienced and – poof – Prince Rogers Nelson was created for such a time as that. It took only 57 years for Nature’s work to be done through that relatively small human vessel- exemplifying just how bright and blindingly brilliant Prince’s Light shined, how singularly focused he was on his work, mission, purpose.

As my insides churn with envy and profound inadequacy (comparing and despairing), a little voice, whimpering and seeking some solace, whispers: “Is genius/an entity, a creation such as a Prince the exception or the rule?” This voice is challenging me to step back a little from the haze and explore further: Is genius exceptional, elitist, reserved just for some, a very select few or is it a tad more generous and democratic in its form(s)? Hope for me comes with a belief in the latter. Perhaps, this explains the inexplicable pull I’ve been feeling into the Purple Rain – the message I desperately need to hear repeatedly, grasp, own, and, ultimately, share – the work/message that genius in the form formerly known as Prince was really placed on this Earth to do/deliver.

I am reminded of these words uttered by genius currently in the form know as Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world …We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Heartfelt many thanks for the coming liberation my dearly beloved Prince!

 

 

a marriage: scene one

 

{Camera outside, facing West.}

It is dusk.

There is lightening.

The only sounds: rapid rain drops forceful against glass, an angry wind, and rip roaring thunder – startling in its violence and depth.

From the outside looking in on a wall of windows dripping wet with rain, a reflection of The Husband at the foot of a vast bed. He is standing, tall and erect, his legs slightly apart.

His face, chiseled and intense. His head, completely bald, glistens. He is staring, blankly, pass himself at the lights, skyscrapers and rain on the outside.

{Camera, inside, panning The Husband from head on up.}

In the room, only a faint light to his right.

On his feet, tan burnished leather cap-toe shoes. On his body, a three piece impeccably tailored striped wool black suit. Hands in his pockets forcing his jacket open, reveals a vest framing a narrow waist; a navy blue shirt is fitted perfectly to his broad chest and wide shoulders; a thick matching tie crafted in silk is expertly knotted around his neck, sitting just below a prominent Adam’s Apple. He wears initialed gold cuff links, an anniversary present from The Wife.

The camera zooms in, slowly, onto his face: serious and scowling, lips, full and jaw, tense. Nose, flaring. Eyes, tender, brown and sad. He sighs very deeply and purposefully. He then exhales, quickly and suddenly, as his face falls into his chest, eyes slamming shut. His hands, broad, brown and beautiful, slip out of his pockets and reach up to cradle his face. His wedding band of gold and diamonds shimmers in the dark.

“How did I get here?” he sobs. “How did we get here?”

A gentle knock on a door is heard.

“It’s me,” she whispers, her voice filled with joy and anticipation.

the Beauty you Love

Let the beauty you love be what you do…” 

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love…”

These two quotes count among the many beautiful words of great wisdom that I love from Rumi. As is always the case when I spend time engulfed in Rumi, everything stops and I am still at last. From this exquisite place, I can go deep into whom and what I really am. I can see clearly. I can breathe again. I can remember all that I find beautiful in our world – that which deeply resonates in me, draws me in, calls to me, sings to me, completely disarms me, beckons me, enchants me, embraces me, calms me, frees me, feeds me, lifts me, loves me.

Plato observed that “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.”

Pondering the beauty that my eyes behold, I come to see that which I find beautiful is what I really love; that which I truly and effortlessly love is what I find beautiful.  It does not seem possible to not love that which one finds beautiful or to love that which one does not find beautiful. Beauty and love are inextricable – linked down to our very Soul.

At the level of the Soul, reason has no place. Hence, explaining “…the strange pull of what you really love…” Within your Soul, there is only surrender and trust to the true Self. Here, no questions are allowed or asked; there are no doubts, only pure and unadulterated Truth. The Soul is where who you really are resides – straight no chaser, no filters, no mask, no shame, and no fear. In this quiet, fertile and vulnerable space, beauty and the love it elicits are all that matter and you are invited to lean in and be informed by the beauty you love. 

I shiver with joy at the thought of what our world could be if we all had the courage to heed the Soul’s call, longing and invitation to let the beauty we really love (that which draws and pulls us) be what we do, what we offer to each other. So says Rumi: “There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the earth.”

Let It begin within Me

My entire life, words – be they in a book, a poem, sung or prayed – have always fed, sustained, calmed and emboldened me. And so, given the heartbreaking events of the last week, I turn to words to inform and guide.

Yesterday, I heard a Wise One share with a Student that if one’s intention is to bring balance to the world, one must be balanced in oneself. This is another way to say that one cannot offer what one does not possess or as within so without. Hearing those words felt like an answer to a prayer I was not consciously aware I had made. The floodgates opened and more words came, mostly in song, that reminded me that we will only ever really overcome someday by paying careful attention to what resides deep in our own hearts, souls and minds – as we are indeed One and the very thin line between “good” and “evil” cuts through all our hearts.

I could hear Michael Jackson singing this perspective so poignantly:

If you want to make the world a better place, You have to look at Yourself and make that change.

To reinforce this point, the powerful Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi came clearly to my mind and heart:

Lord, make Me an instrument of your peace…Where there is hatred, let Me sow love…Where there is darkness, let Me sow Light…

Even my inner child chimed in, sing and imploring:

This little Light of Mine…let It shine….let it shine…let it shine…

Eventually, all quiet on my Soul’s Front:

Ego: I get it!

My Soul: Do you really? Just in case…

And then it came, The Big One: the words to a most beloved song; one I have sung and hummed to myself since I’m a child and more than any other in my life; a song that has consistently brought me from the brink of madness borne of sadness by providing me with the invaluable gifts of light, hope, peace, clarity and profound comfort. The song:

Let there be peace on Earth  

According to Wikipedia, this beautiful song was written in 1955 by Jill Jackson Miller and Sy Miller. Interestingly given recent events, the story goes, in that same year “…a group of 180 teenagers of all races and religions, meeting at a workshop high in the California mountains, locked arms, formed a circle and sang…”Let there be peace on earth”…to help create a climate for world peace and understanding.”

2015, 60 years later, here we are…Let there be peace on Earth  

I’ll close with one of my many renditions of this masterpiece. When one cherishes a song, when it becomes part of your DNA/your signature, organically you tinker with it making it truly your very own (like a loved recipe). This version of Let there be peace on Earth does not stray too much from the extraordinarily moving original:

Let there be peace on Earth
and let it begin within me.

Let there be peace on Earth,
the peace that was meant to be.

With God as our Father,
related all are we (we are One).
Let us live with each other
in peace and harmony.

Let peace begin within me.
Let this be the moment now (right now!).
With ev’ry breath I take
let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment
and be in each moment
in peace internally.
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin within me.