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Beauty

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Beauty…

of,

begotten from

humanity,

moves me always to tears,

unearthing my deepest joys, aches, and fears.

mixed in is great gratitude and awe,

an appreciation of what some Souls came here for.

Therein lies the source of the pain,

that is a profound yearning to do the same:

To the world, contribute Beauty in His Name.

Beauty inspired and informed by spirituality

with the intention of transformative ministry.

Beauty in all its many forms;

Beauty beyond limited social norms;

Beauty that Heart melts & warms.

Beauty that consciousness expands,

that makes great demands

of its adoring beholder:

risk for a Life that is richer & ever bolder!

 

 

 

june fifteenth

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four years ago today

an irreversible change made,

a body violently altered-

“fixed” as it had faltered.

faltered, not on its own, you see,

but from deep fear and misery.

body was made

unwittingly

victim to

dreams too long deferred;

to emotions and creativity

consistently

unexpressed,

and knowing/intuition buried, suppressed.

mind, body, and Soul are One indeed.

why (still) so hard for me to heed?

s0, today, june fifteenth

I re-member,

I honor.

and I to new body do solemnly promise

to cultivate a consciousness

from which

boldly, I sing all my songs,

and no longer is my Light hidden.

So it is written.

 

prayer: nearer to Thee

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Lord,

I beseech you (yet again)

tell me

guide me

loudly and very clearly (please)

As to what I am

to do

to be

so that I may proceed

newly focused and accordingly.

At times, My Lord,

I grow so weary,

burdened with existential angst

and near constant worry,

not feeling remotely worthy.

Just

alone,

lonely,

needy,

profoundly empty.

From here,

nowhere to go nor to be,

only to draw

ever nearer and nearer to

Thee.

why?

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why them and not me?

why this, not that, reality?

why do the myriad dots of life connect and collide as they do?

why does, for some, dreams and fairy tales come true?

while for others, they just barely make due.

why for some, more and more,

while for others poorer than poor?

why is there still such a concept as war

when truly we know why we came here for?

why do we hide behind an app, swiping left and right,

hoping for some connection even if shallow and just for one night?

why is it that we have such fear of our vulnerability,

forgetting it is the font of our invincibility?

why pretend to be that which you are intrinsically not,

systematically obliterating that which was naturally got –

the kinky hair, the grey strands, the broad nose, the dark skin, the laugh lines

leaving not a trace of these behind?

why settle in Life when you can be so much more and soar?

why does fear seem to always be the default for so many, and courage, the internal anomaly?

why is it so hard to get along and sing the same song – we are family, we are the world, we are one, we shall overcome…

why is Love blind and not hate?

the whys, on and on I can go…would it ever end?

no.

 

 

love in-action

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mesmerized, I remain

obsessed, even, as if on cocaine

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

deeper and deeper, I am thrust

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

falling in “love” and in lust

with a being no longer with us

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

tell me, what am I to do,

how am I to be with these thoughts

this bitter and sweet misery

and burning desire to be let free,

to quickly go and join my love in eternity

“not quite yet,” whispers God above

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

a boulder stuck in my throat, hot tears in my eyes

love on my mind –

incessantly, sexually, spiritually

“God, please help me,” I plea

don’t want to get enough,

don’t want to stop

but – eventually – must

I remain here

love has disappeared

 

 

 

dear b.,

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first and foremost, I love You.

Your love for Me, in turn, I hold in great and eternal gratitude.

Our relationship has grown beyond that of friends…

no, more like Kindred Souls to this particular end.

hence why the current page in our long and storied sojourn,

feels decidedly like a deep and painful burn.

we’ve always rooted for the other,

always encouraged one another to dream bigger and fly ever higher.

You, perhaps better than any other, know of My wanderlust and constant restlessness.

You have been privy to how My Spirit lifts, is renewed and healed by following My bliss.

So, why now this time, after an extraordinary adventure granted unto Me,

You, seething with anger born of internal frustration and pain, lash out so emotionally violently?

first and foremost, I love You; and from love, great compassion and recognition flows.

I see into You, Beloved B.

I can see the great challenge of living within a body of such fragility,

a body, once so strong (as mine, you may perceive), one designed to walk, to travel, to live independently.

with an extraordinary mind, Spirit and imagination like Yours, you were not meant for bed confinement, relegated to one small room in deafening silence.

we, the “able-bodied” go out and play; you have no choice but to stay.

I see into You, Beloved B.

what would you have me do and say when it is the benevolent Universe that wills all this way?

shall I, in fear of losing you, keep My joy from You, hide, shrink before You, so that You do not continue to resent and dismiss “me” in the depths of your pain?

is that the way forward for us? no, just prideful and inane.

We are better than that, both know better, and have the capacity to do and to be better.

The only question: together, will we?

I see You and it takes Two.

 

 

 

 

 

purpose

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why am I here, still?

at this time, in this place, within this vessel?

what am I to be, to do, to contribute –

here in this body, space and time?

been seeking since I’m ten,

since consciousness set in:

who, what, whose am “I”?

there are no accidents, it is said.

every thing, every one has its space and purpose –

its raison d’etre.

does one have to unequivocally and consciously know it – one’s purpose

in order to live it, be it, fully manifest it?

what of those who cannot clearly see nor feel it,

where purpose is faint, elusive, scattered – silent, silenced?

Perhaps,

we can live purpose regardless of blindness?

led, driven, propelled from deep within

by an invisible yet strangely tangible Force,

one that whispers imperceptibly yet very clearly:

“don’t worry, my beloved, I got this; I got you. Always. B’lieve that.”

Home is…

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…where the Heart resides

…where the Soul flies

…where Love prevails

…where authentic connectedness cures all (or most) of what ails

…where one’s Spirit is finally free and can exhale

…where all pretense and the burdensome masks give way

…where your Tribe comes out to play

…where one’s many Songs are sung

…where creativity simply for its own sake is not so far-flung

…where Life is a little smoother around the edge

…where thoughts don’t constantly veer frighteningly toward The Ledge

Home is…

…the Peace that surpasses all understanding

…the Path Not yet Taken

…the constant Prayer seemingly unanswered

…the blissful state of feeling favored

…the real Me birthed and seen

…the Mystery, revealed

…the yellow-brick Road less Traveled

…the ultimate Goal unraveled

 

 

Let It begin within Me

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My entire life, words – be they in a book, a poem, sung or prayed – have always fed, sustained, calmed and emboldened me. And so, given the heartbreaking events of the last week, I turn to words to inform and guide.

Yesterday, I heard a Wise One share with a Student that if one’s intention is to bring balance to the world, one must be balanced in oneself. This is another way to say that one cannot offer what one does not possess or as within so without. Hearing those words felt like an answer to a prayer I was not consciously aware I had made. The floodgates opened and more words came, mostly in song, that reminded me that we will only ever really overcome someday by paying careful attention to what resides deep in our own hearts, souls and minds – as we are indeed One and the very thin line between “good” and “evil” cuts through all our hearts.

I could hear Michael Jackson singing this perspective so poignantly:

If you want to make the world a better place, You have to look at Yourself and make that change.

To reinforce this point, the powerful Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi came clearly to my mind and heart:

Lord, make Me an instrument of your peace…Where there is hatred, let Me sow love…Where there is darkness, let Me sow Light…

Even my inner child chimed in, sing and imploring:

This little Light of Mine…let It shine….let it shine…let it shine…

Eventually, all quiet on my Soul’s Front:

Ego: I get it!

My Soul: Do you really? Just in case…

And then it came, The Big One: the words to a most beloved song; one I have sung and hummed to myself since I’m a child and more than any other in my life; a song that has consistently brought me from the brink of madness borne of sadness by providing me with the invaluable gifts of light, hope, peace, clarity and profound comfort. The song:

Let there be peace on Earth  

According to Wikipedia, this beautiful song was written in 1955 by Jill Jackson Miller and Sy Miller. Interestingly given recent events, the story goes, in that same year “…a group of 180 teenagers of all races and religions, meeting at a workshop high in the California mountains, locked arms, formed a circle and sang…”Let there be peace on earth”…to help create a climate for world peace and understanding.”

2015, 60 years later, here we are…Let there be peace on Earth  

I’ll close with one of my many renditions of this masterpiece. When one cherishes a song, when it becomes part of your DNA/your signature, organically you tinker with it making it truly your very own (like a loved recipe). This version of Let there be peace on Earth does not stray too much from the extraordinarily moving original:

Let there be peace on Earth
and let it begin within me.

Let there be peace on Earth,
the peace that was meant to be.

With God as our Father,
related all are we (we are One).
Let us live with each other
in peace and harmony.

Let peace begin within me.
Let this be the moment now (right now!).
With ev’ry breath I take
let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment
and be in each moment
in peace internally.
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin within me.