grab that thin ledge
with fingertips tired, worn and red.
hang on tight
don’t you dare give up The Fight!
don’t look down
at that cold, distant ground.
look up instead
at what your God has just ahead.
hold on;
stay strong.
your life: not all wrong.
your story: not yet done.
fill what was once occupied,
what once could bear life inside.
fill it with Light;
fill it with Words;
fill it with Music;
fill it with Wisdom;
fill it with much Love.
fill it, please
with all of these.
fill it so the void
don’t spread
to my head.
fill it
so that I can choose, always,
Life
instead.
You emptied me.
now, to overflow,
fill me.
make me
a vessel,
a vehicle,
a channel.
then, pour from me
abundantly and continuously
until I return home,
to Thee.
Beauty…
of,
begotten from
humanity,
moves me always to tears,
unearthing my deepest joys, aches, and fears.
mixed in is great gratitude and awe,
an appreciation of what some Souls came here for.
Therein lies the source of the pain,
that is a profound yearning to do the same:
To the world, contribute Beauty in His Name.
Beauty inspired and informed by spirituality
with the intention of transformative ministry.
Beauty in all its many forms;
Beauty beyond limited social norms;
Beauty that Heart melts & warms.
Beauty that consciousness expands,
that makes great demands
of its adoring beholder:
risk for a Life that is richer & ever bolder!
four years ago today
an irreversible change made,
a body violently altered-
“fixed” as it had faltered.
faltered, not on its own, you see,
but from deep fear and misery.
body was made
unwittingly
victim to
dreams too long deferred;
to emotions and creativity
consistently
unexpressed,
and knowing/intuition buried, suppressed.
mind, body, and Soul are One indeed.
why (still) so hard for me to heed?
s0, today, june fifteenth
I re-member,
I honor.
and I to new body do solemnly promise
to cultivate a consciousness
from which
boldly, I sing all my songs,
and no longer is my Light hidden.
So it is written.
Lord,
I beseech you (yet again)
tell me
guide me
loudly and very clearly (please)
As to what I am
to do
to be
so that I may proceed
newly focused and accordingly.
At times, My Lord,
I grow so weary,
burdened with existential angst
and near constant worry,
not feeling remotely worthy.
Just
alone,
lonely,
needy,
profoundly empty.
From here,
nowhere to go nor to be,
only to draw
ever nearer and nearer to
Thee.
why them and not me?
why this, not that, reality?
why do the myriad dots of life connect and collide as they do?
why does, for some, dreams and fairy tales come true?
while for others, they just barely make due.
why for some, more and more,
while for others poorer than poor?
why is there still such a concept as war
when truly we know why we came here for?
why do we hide behind an app, swiping left and right,
hoping for some connection even if shallow and just for one night?
why is it that we have such fear of our vulnerability,
forgetting it is the font of our invincibility?
why pretend to be that which you are intrinsically not,
systematically obliterating that which was naturally got –
the kinky hair, the grey strands, the broad nose, the dark skin, the laugh lines
leaving not a trace of these behind?
why settle in Life when you can be so much more and soar?
why does fear seem to always be the default for so many, and courage, the internal anomaly?
why is it so hard to get along and sing the same song – we are family, we are the world, we are one, we shall overcome…
why is Love blind and not hate?
the whys, on and on I can go…would it ever end?
no.
mesmerized, I remain
obsessed, even, as if on cocaine
cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must
deeper and deeper, I am thrust
cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must
falling in “love” and in lust
with a being no longer with us
cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must
tell me, what am I to do,
how am I to be with these thoughts
this bitter and sweet misery
and burning desire to be let free,
to quickly go and join my love in eternity
“not quite yet,” whispers God above
cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must
a boulder stuck in my throat, hot tears in my eyes
love on my mind –
incessantly, sexually, spiritually
“God, please help me,” I plea
don’t want to get enough,
don’t want to stop
but – eventually – must
I remain here
love has disappeared
first and foremost, I love You.
Your love for Me, in turn, I hold in great and eternal gratitude.
Our relationship has grown beyond that of friends…
no, more like Kindred Souls to this particular end.
hence why the current page in our long and storied sojourn,
feels decidedly like a deep and painful burn.
we’ve always rooted for the other,
always encouraged one another to dream bigger and fly ever higher.
You, perhaps better than any other, know of My wanderlust and constant restlessness.
You have been privy to how My Spirit lifts, is renewed and healed by following My bliss.
So, why now this time, after an extraordinary adventure granted unto Me,
You, seething with anger born of internal frustration and pain, lash out so emotionally violently?
first and foremost, I love You; and from love, great compassion and recognition flows.
I see into You, Beloved B.
I can see the great challenge of living within a body of such fragility,
a body, once so strong (as mine, you may perceive), one designed to walk, to travel, to live independently.
with an extraordinary mind, Spirit and imagination like Yours, you were not meant for bed confinement, relegated to one small room in deafening silence.
we, the “able-bodied” go out and play; you have no choice but to stay.
I see into You, Beloved B.
what would you have me do and say when it is the benevolent Universe that wills all this way?
shall I, in fear of losing you, keep My joy from You, hide, shrink before You, so that You do not continue to resent and dismiss “me” in the depths of your pain?
is that the way forward for us? no, just prideful and inane.
We are better than that, both know better, and have the capacity to do and to be better.
The only question: together, will we?
I see You and it takes Two.
why am I here, still?
at this time, in this place, within this vessel?
what am I to be, to do, to contribute –
here in this body, space and time?
been seeking since I’m ten,
since consciousness set in:
who, what, whose am “I”?
there are no accidents, it is said.
every thing, every one has its space and purpose –
its raison d’etre.
does one have to unequivocally and consciously know it – one’s purpose
in order to live it, be it, fully manifest it?
what of those who cannot clearly see nor feel it,
where purpose is faint, elusive, scattered – silent, silenced?
Perhaps,
we can live purpose regardless of blindness?
led, driven, propelled from deep within
by an invisible yet strangely tangible Force,
one that whispers imperceptibly yet very clearly:
“don’t worry, my beloved, I got this; I got you. Always. B’lieve that.”
…where the Heart resides
…where the Soul flies
…where Love prevails
…where authentic connectedness cures all (or most) of what ails
…where one’s Spirit is finally free and can exhale
…where all pretense and the burdensome masks give way
…where your Tribe comes out to play
…where one’s many Songs are sung
…where creativity simply for its own sake is not so far-flung
…where Life is a little smoother around the edge
…where thoughts don’t constantly veer frighteningly toward The Ledge
Home is…
…the Peace that surpasses all understanding
…the Path Not yet Taken
…the constant Prayer seemingly unanswered
…the blissful state of feeling favored
…the real Me birthed and seen
…the Mystery, revealed
…the yellow-brick Road less Traveled
…the ultimate Goal unraveled
burgeoninc 