integrity

The Doer

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I see a Need

and I fill It-

no questions asked

no hesitation born of self-doubt.

No, I just do It now –

do the Thing that beckons me,

scares me,

that which was meant for me only.

I do It with

the who I am,

what I have,

what I know

in this space and time.

What may now elude me

will eventually find me,

bringing the resources

I did not need

to immediately

heed and proceed.

You see, I, the Doer,

Trust

wholeheartedly – I simply must!

I trust in me,

steeped in a Power,

an inner knowing

beyond what I can comprehend

and see.

And of the inevitable obstacles,

but mere opportunities,

endless possibilities

to fulfil a sacred

responsibility

to be always in service to

our humanity.

 

 

 

music (draft un)

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My muse,

what I turn to when utterly confused;

that which inspires

and sets my Soul and loins afire;

a bright Light

to the long, dark night;

the champagne that

not only lightens

the pain

but also

it explains.

My Love,

I cannot do without,

shy inhibitions,

you aptly loosen;

you make the mute, shout,

and the introvert dance wildly about-

as if no one is on watch;

you fill to overflow

with glee and joy

like a cherished Christmas Day toy!

Muse,

in melody, harmony and word,

you provide rich fodder

to be heard, felt and

deeply ponder.

Through you

in you,

by you,

I feel the close presence of my Lord!

I hear His gentle voice

direct to me, He talks!

My heart is

wide open,

softly broken,

sweetly aching.

The tears inevitable flow,

the floodgates, now ajar,

torrential rain, not far.

I relent, well spent:

my Soul, ascents.

Transformed,

informed,

humbled and grateful

to-

for-

the music

only Heaven could have borne.

 

 

 

pleasure

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imagine a life devoid of pleasure, of great joy?

what would be the point?

an elder once shared

that pleasure is an indulgence

reserved for the blessed few with no cares.

“life is about duty and obligation,” elder declared.

even naïve, at the cusp of adulthood,

i knew deep inside that this was a flagrant falsehood.

no, that would not be my truth to bear.

for me, pleasure would be as essential as water and air.

unlike said elder,

i’d tasted pleasure.

pleasure came a knockin’ on my door,

i’d let it right on in asked for more –

eagerly

hungrily

desperately

and unapologetically.

i soaked up pleasure as if it were buried treasure!

there was no going back,

no about-face,

for i’d grown too fond of pleasure‘s intoxicating taste.

i continue to seek you, pleasure

in your various guises and splendor-

to relish in you responsibly

and unselfishly,

sharing you widely.

for this i know with great certainty:

life will bring its bitters –

that is a given.

but,

it also generously provides the sweets

to make it all tolerable and mercifully even.

 

 

 

 

magnum opus

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the color purple, seminal chef d’oeuvre Alice birthed;

roots by Alex helped African-Americans define our place here on this complicated Earth;

revelations, the glorious masterpiece Alvin conceived, changed forever how dance is perceived;

i have a dream, Dr. King presciently declared to a young nation its mandate laid bare;

like these fellow humans extraordinaire,

do we all, too, have deep inside a magnum opus to share –

some work of great resonance and immediacy

one channeled through us mysteriously and thoroughly

to awaken, enlighten, and inspire humanity

so as to foster lasting peace and unity

and help alleviate suffering, injustice and egregious inequality?

affirmative, i believe

as this may be the reason why we are here now and live.

our masterwork may manifest itself as

a seemingly subtle deed

or via the birth of a divine human being.

for some, an idea whose time has finally and suddenly been fashioned;

for others, an action or creation born of deliberate and obsessive passion.

it may be immediately recognized

or, initially, widely despised and reviled.

alas, we humans can be so naïve and blind.

what is your magnum opus–

is it in the past

or do you feel it coming up for air and light at very last?

will you discern it as such

or cavalierly, insecurely dismiss it as mere fluff?

 

 

 

 

 

 

why?

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why them and not me?

why this, not that, reality?

why do the myriad dots of life connect and collide as they do?

why does, for some, dreams and fairy tales come true?

while for others, they just barely make due.

why for some, more and more,

while for others poorer than poor?

why is there still such a concept as war

when truly we know why we came here for?

why do we hide behind an app, swiping left and right,

hoping for some connection even if shallow and just for one night?

why is it that we have such fear of our vulnerability,

forgetting it is the font of our invincibility?

why pretend to be that which you are intrinsically not,

systematically obliterating that which was naturally got –

the kinky hair, the grey strands, the broad nose, the dark skin, the laugh lines

leaving not a trace of these behind?

why settle in Life when you can be so much more and soar?

why does fear seem to always be the default for so many, and courage, the internal anomaly?

why is it so hard to get along and sing the same song – we are family, we are the world, we are one, we shall overcome…

why is Love blind and not hate?

the whys, on and on I can go…would it ever end?

no.

 

 

love in-action

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mesmerized, I remain

obsessed, even, as if on cocaine

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

deeper and deeper, I am thrust

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

falling in “love” and in lust

with a being no longer with us

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

tell me, what am I to do,

how am I to be with these thoughts

this bitter and sweet misery

and burning desire to be let free,

to quickly go and join my love in eternity

“not quite yet,” whispers God above

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

a boulder stuck in my throat, hot tears in my eyes

love on my mind –

incessantly, sexually, spiritually

“God, please help me,” I plea

don’t want to get enough,

don’t want to stop

but – eventually – must

I remain here

love has disappeared

 

 

 

dear b.,

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first and foremost, I love You.

Your love for Me, in turn, I hold in great and eternal gratitude.

Our relationship has grown beyond that of friends…

no, more like Kindred Souls to this particular end.

hence why the current page in our long and storied sojourn,

feels decidedly like a deep and painful burn.

we’ve always rooted for the other,

always encouraged one another to dream bigger and fly ever higher.

You, perhaps better than any other, know of My wanderlust and constant restlessness.

You have been privy to how My Spirit lifts, is renewed and healed by following My bliss.

So, why now this time, after an extraordinary adventure granted unto Me,

You, seething with anger born of internal frustration and pain, lash out so emotionally violently?

first and foremost, I love You; and from love, great compassion and recognition flows.

I see into You, Beloved B.

I can see the great challenge of living within a body of such fragility,

a body, once so strong (as mine, you may perceive), one designed to walk, to travel, to live independently.

with an extraordinary mind, Spirit and imagination like Yours, you were not meant for bed confinement, relegated to one small room in deafening silence.

we, the “able-bodied” go out and play; you have no choice but to stay.

I see into You, Beloved B.

what would you have me do and say when it is the benevolent Universe that wills all this way?

shall I, in fear of losing you, keep My joy from You, hide, shrink before You, so that You do not continue to resent and dismiss “me” in the depths of your pain?

is that the way forward for us? no, just prideful and inane.

We are better than that, both know better, and have the capacity to do and to be better.

The only question: together, will we?

I see You and it takes Two.

 

 

 

 

 

purpose

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why am I here, still?

at this time, in this place, within this vessel?

what am I to be, to do, to contribute –

here in this body, space and time?

been seeking since I’m ten,

since consciousness set in:

who, what, whose am “I”?

there are no accidents, it is said.

every thing, every one has its space and purpose –

its raison d’etre.

does one have to unequivocally and consciously know it – one’s purpose

in order to live it, be it, fully manifest it?

what of those who cannot clearly see nor feel it,

where purpose is faint, elusive, scattered – silent, silenced?

Perhaps,

we can live purpose regardless of blindness?

led, driven, propelled from deep within

by an invisible yet strangely tangible Force,

one that whispers imperceptibly yet very clearly:

“don’t worry, my beloved, I got this; I got you. Always. B’lieve that.”

genius: part 1

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“When nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

The presumption being then that when “the work” has been done to satisfaction, Nature calls genius back home: “Your work down here is complete; you’ve fulfilled your purpose. On to the next.”

In my mind and heart, this is what transpired in the case of our dearly beloved and departed Prince. Nature so stunningly and (in the moment) inexplicably ceasing him back to Her bosom, shook something deep inside of me that continues to tremble and uncomfortably shift.

I’m feeling unmoored, disoriented – not quite certain why. What exactly is going on within? As I cannot articulate it with any real coherence – just a thick mixture of sadness, dread, fear, confusion – I desperately seek both answers and comfort by delving ever deeper into The Artist’s life and music. It’s bordering frighteningly on the obsessive, this I know! Yet, I cannot turn away – it is an internal draw beyond my conscious control at the Moment. Truly I tell you, resistance is futile. So, I reluctantly relent – too tired and enthralled to do otherwise.

In an interview, Prince astutely observed that any interest in him beyond his music speaks to a lacking/a need in another – nothing to do with him. He is absolutely correct; to that I can wholeheartedly attest.

My sojourn into the Purple Rain continues to yield much and rich fruit. Presently, I am ruminating on the concept of “genius” – a word that is synonymous with Prince. Very few would dare argue otherwise – nor could do so convincingly.

Yes, Prince was a genius; he embodied it in a way that is breathtaking and astonishes, this he knew from early on until the end/beginning (how could he not?) Nature wanted to fill its world with music and showmanship not since seen or experienced and – poof – Prince Rogers Nelson was created for such a time as that. It took only 57 years for Nature’s work to be done through that relatively small human vessel- exemplifying just how bright and blindingly brilliant Prince’s Light shined, how singularly focused he was on his work, mission, purpose.

As my insides churn with envy and profound inadequacy (comparing and despairing), a little voice, whimpering and seeking some solace, whispers: “Is genius/an entity, a creation such as a Prince the exception or the rule?” This voice is challenging me to step back a little from the haze and explore further: Is genius exceptional, elitist, reserved just for some, a very select few or is it a tad more generous and democratic in its form(s)? Hope for me comes with a belief in the latter. Perhaps, this explains the inexplicable pull I’ve been feeling into the Purple Rain – the message I desperately need to hear repeatedly, grasp, own, and, ultimately, share – the work/message that genius in the form formerly known as Prince was really placed on this Earth to do/deliver.

I am reminded of these words uttered by genius currently in the form know as Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world …We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Heartfelt many thanks for the coming liberation my dearly beloved Prince!

 

 

out of service

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I am

out

of

service.

No longer will I do only as told;

I will, instead, endeavor in all ways to be Bold.

No longer will I relent to your perspective on what is deemed art;

I will, instead, succumb only to the rhythm and vision of my own Heart.

No longer will I heed passively to what feels and sounds to me utterly absurd;

I will, instead, be Heard and not part of the herd.

No longer will I merely accept what is;

I will, instead, search, dig deep and extract from within for without what is authentically His.

Your definition of “success” I will choose to categorically reject;

For, you see, I am

now and forever more

out

of

your

service.