Fear

Unfinished Business

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

How long has it been

since we left our secluded Nest?

Three years now, yes?

Hence, why now, your text,

your desire to reconnect?

You “miss me”

you say.

I am perplexed,

wary of this play.

We project unto others,

I’ve learned.

Can’t take it personal;

Can’t let it burn.

No accidents in this Life.

God’s Hand in all-

the good, the strife;

the rise, the falls.

What is the plan here?

Why now you call

after we disappeared?

Out of the blue?

Really is that true?

Did I subconsciously summon you?

Your re-emergence,

the unexpected answer

to a relentless prayer

born of a sharp life sidetrack

from which I can’t seem to get back?

You, a musician,

have you come back

as my physician-

to help me heal,

to bring me back to what is deemed “real”

to get my head out of the clouds

so I may dwell in the now?

And of you,

what is it you sought me out to do?

What of your deepest prayer

that brought me to your mind’s outermost layer?

What inspired the vulnerability

to risk bravely

to offer/say

might we again relate?

Perhaps, as no happenstance,

this right here,

merely a hallowed chance

for unfinished business from past

to mitigate current circumstance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the kiss

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

still,

the most perfect

of my life.

back then,

I, a relative neophyte,

standing in unfamiliar land

with a seasoned ladies’ man.

he, skilled in the art of

seduction and tease.

me, scared, excited

and so very intrigued.

he, leans in

confidently.

me, inside, trembling

nervously.

our lips

lock

instantaneously.

my heart

stops-

literally.

in me,

some things have shifted-

a veil, heavy weights

have been lifted.

suddenly, inexplicable-

as if from an old

body memory-

I can give

and receive

pleasure

in equal measure.

exploring, digging ever deeper,

for boundless treasure

within, first, myself

and, then thus, the “other.”

I am

no longer me, no we-

just utter and complete transparency.

I have become untethered and free!

the depth, the intensity,

makes me oh so heady!

the Kiss

becomes an intricate dance-

at times, a fiery flamenco,

next a little funky disco-

we’re lost inside an exquisite trance.

so sublime,

we’ve no sense of space and time.

who am I?

 

judgement Monkey

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

jumping around

all upside my head

screaming

hollerin’

just plain carrying on.

“please go back to bed;

leave me the hell alone!”

i said.

you ignored me-

as usual-

instead.

determined to take over my mind;

to, again,

turn me against me,

cruel and unkind.

won’t let you, Monkey-

no, not this time!

for I am determined to see–

to see you.

to see Truth.

won’t let you drive me

back to that Abyss.

no, this time Monkey,

you will cease to exist!

i am determined to see

differently,

to be free of Monkey,

believe in me steeped in He.

to go toward the Light,

know all’s alright,

that this too shall pass,

for nothing ever lasts.

The life of a Cosmopolitan Sardine

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

I feel trapped

like a caged rat

no room to read

let alone breathe

little in the way of personal space

with strangers, nearly face-to-face

signal problems and delays

prolong the agony and the pain

very few smiles

many more scowls

odors jarringly unfamiliar

compete with daring young dancers

to the senses, viciously assault

without so much a second thought

hey, this is New York

ain’t nobody give a f***!

suck it up, yo’!

don’t you know

this is the price paid

the sacrifice made

for the privilege

of residing

in this space-

beyond congested, yes,

but also

the first, the Greatest

City on Earth!

you make it here

Sinatra swears

you make it anywhere

just be aware

that it’ll cost ya

claustrophobe ya

relentlessly contain ya

hot or cold

young or old

this is how

the N to the Y to the C

rolls…

do you see what I see?

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

come to me, Beloved.

come, straight with not a hint of a chaser:

no art on your face

nor hair made up and straight.

come to me in your most natural state.

allow me to see exactly what God done create.

let me see you in the “harsh” Light,

not just undercover “protected” by the night.

My Love, why the masks?

you know I must ask.

why do you feel you must always run from me,

hiding away your true identity?

what is it you do not wish for me to see?

come, Baby.

sit,

breathe,

be.

then,

look

at

Me.

Look into your mirror through my eyes.

do you see what I see-

your great beauty,

that you are infinitely worthy

just as you are

right now?

in your own eyes,

do you see in you the mystery,

vulnerability,

fragility,

abundant curiosity,

and stubborn audacity?

do you?

really?

and of the fine lines indelibly etched on your face-

do you see your long history and humble ministry?

do you, Baby?

what of your beautiful skin-

scarred, marred, unshaven, uneven?

therein, your unique composition,

not crafted to be ignored,

but deeply appreciated and fully explored.

do you see what I see, Baby?

your True Story,

your ineffable Glory.

 

 

 

 

Ready for Love

/ ThreeLenses / 2 Comments

I say I am ready for Love.

I say it rather convincingly

but am I really

ready for

Love?

What exactly am I ready for

when True Love comes a knocking on this here door?

More questions than answers have I:

To him, who will I be?

What of his expectations of me?

Will I measure up? Will I fill his cup?

Will he stay

when my mask melts away

and my Light temporarily fades?

What of me –

Can I handle with calm dignity

the unfamiliar masculine energy?

Can I remain present, outside my protective shell

when communication is perceived as hell?

Can I allow a man to be a Man

and not automatically default to the feminist stance?

Can I trust him fully and completely

when I was taught so differently?

That all said,

in my heart and in my head:

Am I ready for Love?

To it, am I prepared to run –

to run toward that inevitable fire

that is intense, illogical hunger and crazy desire?

Ready to let it burn

without so much as a concern,

confident in whatever of me, of we

remains?

Yes,

I

am!

Been there once, years before.

Now,

I am

I know

I understand

so much more.

Come, Love.

 

 

 

love in-action

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

mesmerized, I remain

obsessed, even, as if on cocaine

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

deeper and deeper, I am thrust

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

falling in “love” and in lust

with a being no longer with us

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

tell me, what am I to do,

how am I to be with these thoughts

this bitter and sweet misery

and burning desire to be let free,

to quickly go and join my love in eternity

“not quite yet,” whispers God above

cannot get enough, don’t stop, but must

a boulder stuck in my throat, hot tears in my eyes

love on my mind –

incessantly, sexually, spiritually

“God, please help me,” I plea

don’t want to get enough,

don’t want to stop

but – eventually – must

I remain here

love has disappeared

 

 

 

Off The Wall

/ ThreeLenses / 2 Comments

Livin’ crazy that’s the only way. So tonight gotta leave that nine to five upon the shelf. And just enjoy yourself. Groove, let the madness in the music get to you
Life ain’t so bad at all
If you live it off the wall

Off The Wall, the album and song by the incomparable and prodigiously talented, very definition of icon, Michael Jackson. Just a few days ago, in the midst of stumbling across a documentary about Michael’s journey to the making of this extraordinary album, I was literally transported way back in time, back to my prepubescent self. I recalled with stunning (and somewhat terrifying) clarity my dancing in my room with cousins and sisters, clinging to the Off the Wall album, holding it (Michael) close to my chest, singing along to every word on an album that I must have listened to hundreds of times – I could not get enough of Michael – his beautiful and perfect voice seemed to be speaking directly to and into me.

Bon Dieu the power of scent, food and music to return us to another time in our life – years, decades earlier as if no time had passed. We see, hear, taste all exactly as it was. A reminder that we carry all of the different iterations of ourselves within our selves. Nothing is ever really lost or forgotten. The body and Soul store it all and bring it rushing back to us with just the right trigger. Nothing we can do when that chain reaction commences – just hold on, just let it be. Resistance is indeed very futile.

Even as we go back, we eventually return to the present Moment with a new appreciation for the trigger that took us back. When I journeyed back from prepubescence to middle age me, it was as if my eyes had suddenly opened. I could see. There was a renewed relevance to the lyrics of Off the Wall; nuances I could better grasp and appreciate.

Life ain’t so bad at all, if you live it off the wall..

I have never in my life felt “normal.” Even as a child, I could not verbalize that feeling, but I felt it. Something ain’t quite right; I am not like others my age. Well over thirty years later, very little has changed in that sentiment. Now, with “maturity,” I am more accepting of Self than I was back then. This is me, this is it. Take it or leave it.

Life ain’t so bad at all, if you live it off the wall..

I continue to do my best to live my life on the wall (I suppose one would say), keeping myself on the straight and narrow and traditional. Such a responsible path has always felt so utterly and painfully uncomfortable for me, like a straitjacket, like wings clipped, and Spirit dampened.

Life ain’t so bad at all, if you live it off the wall..Live your life off the wall (live it off the wall)

Michael’s words, his commandment to live life off the wall ran through me, washed over me, and continue to reverberate to this Moment. It felt, feels like I am being given permission (finally) to just me authentically me.

Live your life off the wall

A clarion call for me, if ever there was one…Indeed, there is no other choice really. One must be who one really is, lest one dries up like a raisin in the sun, to quote another Great One. Deep in my heart, I believe we are each here, each wonderfully and fiercely crafted to do a particular job for our World. This special role is the byproduct only of authenticity.

Groove, let the madness …{Of Your} music get {in}to you
Life ain’t so bad at all, If you live it off the wall

Not only is life ain’t so bad at all, it is bliss to be you, to be true, to fully self-actualize and gift our World with our unique magnificence. At first glimpse, it may indeed appear that such a life is off the wall. Difference/uniqueness elicit such intense unease in humans. We tend to favor predictability, matters and people placed neatly on the wall where we can easily digest, understand and deem safe – even if on some level we know this safety is a grand illusion. Artists like MJ, provocateurs in our midst both revered and reviled, remind us/warn us of the precariousness of our illusions and whisper in our ears what our Souls (our true Selves) already know…

Livin’ crazy that’s the only way. So tonight gotta leave that nine to five upon the shelf. And just {be} yourself.  Groove, let the madness …{Of Your} music get {in}to you.
Life ain’t so bad at all
If you live it off the wall

fear- part one: tech

/ ThreeLenses / Leave a comment

“People fear what they do not understand.”

I have heard these words uttered twice in the past 72 hours – both times, the reference was to technology.

In the first instance, a well-known advocate for an entirely different perspective on child-rearing, noted that in current times, even as parents provided their children with technology (smart phones, iPads, computers, etc.), there resides in them great fear about what technology will do to their children – the havoc it will wreak. Is the easy access to information via Google resulting in our children growing up way too quickly, exposed to information and images their brains are simply not developed to process? Is childhood innocence gone at the age of just two once The Device is placed in their little and eager hands? A few weeks ago, I watched in wonderment and a bit of angst as the seven-month old son of a friend became entranced with my cell phone – he would simply not allow me to take it away and replace it with jiggly keys (was there not a time when babies loved jiggly keys?) Will our children-who now text while sitting mere inches from each in the same room- grow up to become disconnected, antisocial beings unable to foster close and loving relationships that require full presence and expressed vulnerability? What physical ailments will manifest themselves from all that swiping and necks inclined ever downward looking into a little screen- remember carpal tunnel syndrome?

“People fear what they do not understand.”

The second time I heard these words was in the movie, Transcendence, starring Johnny Depp in a stunning portrayal of a genius scientist conducting research on artificial intelligence (AI). He becomes a victim of people who fear the implications of his research. It was felt that he and his ilk were attempting to play God, that they could not fully know the consequences of what they were attempting to create. How would we control AI once it was unleashed into an ever technologically connected and dependent world?

“People fear what they do not understand.”

Like parents, governments and corporations provide the means for technology. We feed this thing we do not fully understand because we feel compelled to do so even as it scares us. We think this is what human advancement looks like – ever pushing the boundaries, believing it will make our world a better, more efficient place. Humans are a messy and unpredictable pile of contradictions filled to over flow with “issues” and heavy baggage. That said, do we really wish to bet our future on us? Uh, no! Hence, by funding research into artificial intelligence and willingly underwriting technological gadgets for our children, we may believe that we are providing the world and its future leaders with a distinct advantage. The ethos appears to be that technology- done and used “correctly”-is the manifestation of the best of humanity – our beautiful brain/the clear logic without the messiness of emotionality. It’s all about efficiency because don’t nobody got the time these days, we have to move and move quickly on to the next.

“People fear what they do not understand.”

Still, despite our logic, the gut instincts that are partly responsible for our survival, whisper deep in our Soul to not completely trust technology (don’t believe the hype, it warns). We desperately want to, would be so much easier if we could. But our gut is not having it, and so it dogs us until we relent. Parents give their children the fancy “smart” gadgets, but can only do so comfortably by exerting parental control through the installation of technology that makes this possible. Governments, corporations and the 1% pour billions into the study and application of artificial intelligence while also funding research that will function to mitigate the unforeseen consequences of said technology that might be detrimental to the same humans who produced it.

“People fear what they do not (fully) understand.”

And what we fear, we seek to control in order to rest a little easier-just in case…for to be human is to be fully cognizant-on some level-of our limitations and fallibility.